Lyrics
Verse 1
Got a fresh set of blades on the John Deere green,
Sharpest five acres this town's ever seen.
I measure the lines with a laser and tape,
'Cause if a single blade's crooked, I'm losing my shape.
Sun's barely up and the dew's barely dried,
I'm out on the yard taking country-wide pride.
My neighbors all wave, but they don't understand—
I ain't cutting grass, I'm sculpting the land.
Chorus
'Cause I need them striping lines perfectly straight,
From the edge of the porch to the driveway gate.
A thick velvet carpet, no dandelions allowed,
The kind of clean cut that'd make country proud.
Yeah, call me crazy, but I'm riding this beat,
The king of the yard with the envy of the street!
Verse 2
By month number two, I was mowing at night,
With a headlamp, a level, and a black-light sight.
I snuck on the green at the country club course,
'Cause their Bermuda grass was a tragedy of source.
Then I hopped the tall fence at the governor's estate,
Just to trim up his edges before it was too late.
Got a night in the county jail, paid off my fine,
But you oughta see the gloss on that lawn layout of mine!
Chorus
'Cause I need them striping lines perfectly straight,
From the edge of the porch to the driveway gate.
A thick velvet carpet, no dandelions allowed,
The kind of clean cut that'd make country proud.
Yeah, call me crazy, but I'm riding this beat,
The king of the yard with the envy of the street!
Verse 3
Now I'm facing five felonies, wanted by the Feds,
'Cause I parachuted in where no normal man treads.
Broke into a CIA blacksite deep in the pine,
Just to scalp their covert crabgrass down to ninety-nine.
Mowed a forty-acre grid right at Area 51,
Left the aliens staring at a job well done.
Now I'm running from the law in a zero-turn rig,
With the crispest green stripes that you ever did dig!
Chorus
'Cause I need them striping lines perfectly straight,
From the edge of the porch to the driveway gate.
A thick velvet carpet, no dandelions allowed,
The kind of clean cut that'd make country proud.
Yeah, call me crazy, but I'm riding this beat,
The king of the yard with the envy of the street!
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