Side Effects May Cause

Prologue

Woke up in a puddle of nacho cheese and regret

Cussed at the clock and the neighbor’s yappy pet

Slipped on some paper labeled “New Improved Trash”

Goddamn, it’s morning, and my brain’s out of cash

Premonition

Dreamed I bought a planet from a freak at the mall

Tried to return it but they ghosted my call

Stuck with a warranty for a useless life hack

Devil in a discount suit just laughed at my crack

Intro

Stumbled out of bed with gum stuck in my hair

Cursed the goddamn morning and my empty Frigidaire

Put on mismatched shoes, tripped on a bottle of gin

Monday’s already bullshit, where the fuck do I begin

Verse 0

Television screaming ads for stuff I don’t need

“Order now, dumbass, fulfill your deepest greed”

My coffee tastes like failure and expired Prozac

Neighbor yells through the wall, “Go fuck yourself, Jack!”

Pre-Chorus

Some goon in suspenders yelling two-for-one deal

I swear to Christ this life can’t be for real

Chorus

Pawned my pride for a coupon that expired in May

Got scammed by a robot, damn, it called me by name

Shoved a flyer in my face—it just said, “Too late”

Freaky deaky on a Monday, fate’s ready to detonate

Post-Chorus

Freaky deaky at the start

We’re all freaky deaky at the start

Verse 1

Bought a box of weird shit, marked "special edition"

Opened it up, it screamed at me with bad intentions

Who the hell packaged this? Was it the goddamn mob?

Sticky tape, angry notes, and a warning from Bob

Pre-Chorus

Some schmuck in a bow tie says "try it, you'll see"

Next thing I know, I forgot my own name by three

Chorus

Lost my patience at the checkout line

Cursed at a granny and committed a crime

Signed up for a scam just to get a free pen

Dipped my dreams in detergent, now I’ll never again

Post-Chorus

Freaky deaky from the start

We’re all freaky deaky from the start

Chorus

They sold you Dignity and Poster on the back

Fairity and Hyphen-Hyphen throw you off track

Orphan-Aven, Gleeven-Hoyven, what a scam

Bacteria pigged out, now it’s freaky deaky in a can

Post-Chorus

Freaky deaky in a can

We’re all freaky deaky in a can

Verse 2

You got side effects, man, they’re stupid as hell

Put on a leisure suit and ring that bell

Back to the Titanic, just for a dance

Doing the hustle, baby, caught in a trance

Pre-Chorus

Ask some random jackass, where’s Studio 54

They say, “What the fuck, kid, you ain’t from here, for sure”

Chorus

They sold you Dignity and Poster on the back

Fairity and Hyphen-Hyphen throw you off track

Orphan-Aven, Gleeven-Hoyven, what a scam

Bacteria pigged out, now it’s freaky deaky in a can

Post-Chorus

Freaky deaky in a can

We’re all freaky deaky in a can

Bridge

Knock-knock, who’s there? It's a goddamn prescription

My brain’s on vacation, here's a new affliction

Stuffed my head in a jar just to see what would happen

Goddamn disco ball spinning, everybody’s clappin’

Verse 3

Sold my grief for a coupon, now my luck’s in the red

Hyped on some bullshit a salesman said

Tried to moonwalk but I slipped on the slime

Getting yelled at in German for wasting their time

Pre-Chorus

Some jerk on the sidewalk is quoting Giorgio Moroder

Tells me I’m late, that the freak show’s over

Chorus

Experimental flavor, it tastes like regret

Buy one get insanity, what the hell did I get?

Post-Chorus

Freaky deaky in a can

We’re all freaky deaky in a can

Bridge

Knock-knock, who’s there? It's a goddamn prescription

My brain’s on vacation, here's a new affliction

Stuffed my head in a jar just to see what would happen

Goddamn disco ball spinning, everybody’s clappin’

Verse 3

Sold my grief for a coupon, now my luck’s in the red

Hyped on some bullshit a salesman said

Tried to moonwalk but I slipped on the slime

Getting yelled at in German for wasting their time

Pre-Chorus

Some jerk on the sidewalk is quoting Giorgio Moroder

Tells me I’m late, that the freak show’s over

Chorus

Experimental flavor, it tastes like regret

Buy one get insanity,

Outro

Found a receipt for heartache crumpled in my jeans

My liver’s filing complaints to the health magazines

Bartered my common sense for a plastic kazoo

Now I’m busted in the alley, singing fuck you too

The pigeons have opinions about my sick moves

Breaking out the foxtrot on slick platform shoes

Disco Bob sends a postcard from the damned vending machine

It’s all freaky deaky—let’s kill the routine

Final Post-Chorus

Freaky deaky in a can

We’re still freaky deaky in a can

Freaky deaky in a can

Fuck it, freaky deaky in a can