check your list

Verse 1

I always write a list, but you don't check it twice,

I've been good all year, but you're testing my nice.

Every Christmas seems to tell the same old story,

I go to sleep with hope, wake up in misery.

Take your elves and shove your gifts,

Do me a favour, Santa, check that fucking list!

Chorus

Hey, big man, I've sent my list,

But there's nothing coming off my wish list.

So tell me, Santa, are you taking the piss?

Your reindeer got their carrots,

You've had your mince pies,

But I'm still empty-handed,

And I'm not surprised!

Verse 2

I've boarded up the fireplace and hidden all the treats,

'Cause since the very first year, you've been taking the piss with me.

"Dear Santa, I love you loads,

Please can I have some new cars and roads?"

It wasn't much to ask, I kept it low-key,

But you sent a fucking pogo stick...

And nearly broke me!

Chorus

Hey, big man, I've sent my list,

But there's nothing coming off my wish list.

So tell me, Santa, are you taking the piss?

Your reindeer got their carrots,

You've had your mince pies,

But I'm still empty-handed,

And I'm not surprised!

Bridge

Alright, fat boy, with your beard and hat,

I'll give you one last chance, now how about that?

All I want for Christmas is a solid gold watch,

And a Lamborghini Aventador, chrome-plated top to bottom!

My list is simple, my demands are easy,

Just get it fucking right this time and try to please me!

Chorus

Hey, big man, I've sent my list,

But there's nothing coming off my wish list.

So tell me, Santa, are you taking the piss?

Your reindeer got their carrots,

You've had your mince pies,

But I'm still empty-handed,

AND I'M NOT FUCKING SURPRISED!

Outro

Same time next year, you fat bastard...

And don't forget the fucking watch!