Federal-Grade Reinforcement Scene 4 — First Aid and Feathered Witnesses 4

Raff lay sprawled across the grass in the wreckage of his federally reinforced ladder.

A strip of silver duct tape clung to his nose. His eyes stared blankly at the Florida sky as though he were waiting for a government inspector to explain what had just happened.

Then something moved in his beard.

A tiny blue bird had settled among the tangled hair, tucked itself into a comfortable little nest, and closed its eyes for a nap.

Nancy loomed over Raff, her green scales glistening in the afternoon sun. She held out a single band-aid between two clawed fingers.

"Want the band-aid now, or should I wait for the bird to finish its nap?"

Raff blinked slowly.

"Is the ladder fixable?"

Nancy stared at him.

The bird chirped.

"I'm more worried about the bird's choice of real estate," she replied.

Raff tried to sit up. The bird nestled deeper into his beard.

"Careful," Nancy warned. "You've got a tenant now."

She pressed the band-aid onto his forehead.

"There. All better."

"That's not where I hit my head."

"It's where the budget allowed."

Nancy turned toward the house, shaking her head as Raff lay among the broken rungs, silver tape, and one extremely comfortable bird.

Behind her, Raff called out, "So... you still love me?"

Nancy paused on the porch and glanced back.

"Of course I do, sweetheart."

She smiled, revealing just a hint of Sleestak teeth.

"But next time you announce something is federal-grade, I'm calling the actual government."

The bird chirped again.

Raff sighed.

"Think it'll leave?"

Nancy disappeared through the door.

"Not until you pay rent."