The Best Cat Ever

Verse 1

He doesn’t walk, he glides across the floor

Then stops to stare intently at the bedroom door

He’s got a PhD in knocking glasses off the shelf

He’s a fluffy little genius who’s impressed with himself

I try to pet his head, he says, "Whatever, never!"

He’s busy being, obviously, THE BEST CAT EVER!

Chorus

It’s THE BEST CAT EVER! (He’s judging your life!)

It’s THE BEST CAT EVER! (He’s sharper than a knife!)

He’s a ball of static energy, a chaotic little king

Who thinks that he’s the center of every single thing!

It’s THE BEST CAT EVER! (With the murder-mittens too!)

It’s THE BEST CAT EVER! (And he’s probably watching you!)

Verse 2

He caught a dust bunny and he treated it like prey

Then he sprinted down the hallway in a wild, frantic way

He’s got a tuxedo coat and a very posh glare

He’s shedding little tufts of him on every single chair

It’s a high-class, low-speed, tactical maneuver

I’m telling you, darling, it’s THE BEST CAT EVER!

Chorus

It’s THE BEST CAT EVER! (He demands some more treats!)

It’s THE BEST CAT EVER! (He’s the lord of the sheets!)

He’s a ball of static energy, a chaotic little king

Who thinks that he’s the center of every single thing!

It’s THE BEST CAT EVER! (He’s so majestic, see!)

It’s THE BEST CAT EVER! (He’s the boss of me!)

Bridge

(Jazz-fusion piano breakdown)

Meow.

Observe the focus.

The absolute dedication to the nap.

The way he ignores the laser pointer with such distain.

It is, quite frankly, a masterclass in feline superiority.

It is... THE BEST CAT EVER!

Chorus

It’s THE BEST CAT EVER! (Hear the kibble hit the bowl!)

It’s THE BEST CAT EVER! (He’s claimed my very soul!)

He’s a ball of static energy, a chaotic little king

Who thinks that he’s the center of every single thing!

It’s THE BEST CAT EVER! (He’s finally purring!)

It’s THE BEST CAT EVER! (The universe is stirring!)

Outro

(Spoken with extreme poshness)

Indubitably.

A connoisseur of boxes.

Truly the peak of evolution.

Best cat ever.