Lyrics
[INTRO] Yeah I thought they were about to rob me
Turns out they were recruiting
Which honestly feels worse somehow
[VERSE 1] I’m walking through Saffron with a lemonade
Trying to avoid trainers and eye contact for the day
Then smoke bombs hit the street
Crowd screaming
Somebody’s Growlithe peeing
And out the smoke comes Team Rocket
Like they practiced this entrance all week
Jessie yelling:
“We’ve been observing your potential.”
James standing there nodding like this is a TED Talk
I’m like:
“…potential for WHAT exactly?”
Meowth pulls out a clipboard:
“Strong battlin’ instincts
reckless spending habits
questionable morals under pressure…”
Hold on now
That feels weirdly specific
[HOOK] Join Team Rocket
That’s the offer now
Somehow my worst personality traits got me scouted out
Join Team Rocket
Custom fit included
And honestly the uniforms looked kinda stupid-cool if we being truthful
I got bills
I got stress
And they talking like evil comes with dental benefits
Join Team Rocket
This can’t be real
But free Poké Balls making me reconsider things
[VERSE 2] They take me to the base underneath the Game Corner
Hidden elevator behind a poster like a supervillain starter pack
Rocket Grunts everywhere
Half asleep
One dude microwaving noodles next to stolen fossils
Honestly?
Less intimidating than expected
Jessie showing me around like a college tour guide:
“This is the training room.”
“This is the battle lab.”
“This is where Steve got launched into the atmosphere.”
James:
“He’s out on medical.”
Meowth hands me paperwork:
“Starting pay ain’t GREAT…
but there’s room to grow.”
Brother this is organized crime with onboarding documents
[HOOK] Join Team Rocket
They making points
And I hate how close I am to being unemployed enough to listen
Join Team Rocket
Vision getting blurry
Cause being broke makes bad ideas sound responsible temporarily
I got dreams
I got debt
And apparently that’s exactly what Team Rocket looks for next
Join Team Rocket
What a career path
One minute catching Pokémon
next minute discussing villain tax brackets
[VERSE 3] Then they showed me the equipment room
Rows of Poké Balls
Jet packs
Nets for some reason
A machine labeled:
“Pikachu-related emergency only”
I asked:
“How many of these plans actually work?”
Everybody got real quiet
One grunt coughed
James adjusted his gloves like:
“Well success is subjective.”
Which is the most unemployed sentence I ever heard
Then Jessie hits me with:
“Think about it — you already lose battles dramatically.
You already spend money irresponsibly.
You already dress like a side character.”
Damn
That one had layers
[BRIDGE] And the scary part is…
I started imagining it
Matching uniform
Cool entrance music
Health insurance maybe
This is how people end up evil honestly
[FINAL HOOK] Join Team Rocket
Still thinking twice
Cause crime sounds bad but so does working retail all my life
Join Team Rocket
Could be a mistake
But they said employees get discounts at the Poké Mart chain
I got morals
I got shame
But I also got six dollars to my name
Join Team Rocket
This feels wrong
“Wait — how many vacation days we talking?”