I can't jump

Intro

Verse 1

I get up... but I don't get too far

That magic show fucked me up, left a permanent scar

You got it tough? Try gettin' bisected live

Sawed in half for the crowd, now I'm half alive

The magician yelled "Abracadabra, trust the trick!"

Wrong goddamn lever — now I'm a human toothpick

Legs in the box, still wearin' my socks

Crowd cheered loud till the blood hit the floor, you cocks!

Pre-Chorus

Oh, can't you see me sittin' here?

Got my back against this wheelchair machine

I ain't the worst that you've seen

Oh, can't you see what I mean?

Chorus 1

I can't jump (Jump!)

I can't jump

Go ahead and jump (Jump!)

Go ahead and jump

I got no goddamn legs!

Aaa-ohhh, hey you, who said that?

Baby, how you been?

You say you don't know, you won't know 'til you begin...

To realize the saw went straight through my fuckin' skin!

Verse 2

Had a little money, booked the big illusion

"Levitate and fly!" — ended in mass confusion

Beautiful assistant fainted when the legs dropped clean

Like two bloody kielbasas on the stage floor, obscene

Paramedics slipped in the gore, magician ghosted the scene

Left me with nubs and a hospital bill fit for a queen

Now I wheel around with a phantom boner twitch

Tryna stomp my problems but I ain't got the switch

Pre-Chorus

Oh, can't you see me rollin' here?

Got my back against this wheelchair machine

I ain't the worst that you've seen

Oh, can't you see what I mean?

Chorus 2 – Getting Stupider

I can't jump, I can't hop, I can't even flop (Flop!)

Go ahead and bunny-hop, motherfucker — I got no legs to drop!

My stumps do the worm, they do the squirm, where'd my calves go?

Magic man made me a torso hero, now I'm just a sad wheelie zero!

Aaa-ohhh, hey you, wheelchair dude

Baby, how you roll?

You say you don't know, you won't know 'til the magic show

Turns your pins to confetti and your future to "whoa no!"

Bridge

That sparkly prick said "Break a leg!" — well mission accomplished, you limp-dick!

I dreamed of runnin' through flames, now I wake up grabbin' air where my fuckin' knees used to hang

Every night the audience laughs in my head

While I try to chase 'em down with these bloody nubs instead!

Phantom feet itchin', phantom toes twitchin'

Phantom dick still thinkin' it can kick it

But all I got is wheelie skills and rage

And a lifetime supply of "sorry 'bout your legs" from every fuckin' stage!

Guitar Solo Section – Lyrics Over It

(Eddie-style shredding with wheelchair squeaks and squelching sounds)

Yeah, solo on the stumps!

Can't tap my foot, can't keep the beat

Just rollin' in circles to the guitar heat

Magician's laughin' from hell, I swear

While my torso does the only dance I got left — the "despair"!

Final Chorus – Peak Stupid Chaos

Might as well jump (I can't jump, I just slump and dump!)

Might as well jump (Stumps go plop-plop, knees went "fuck off, pop!")

Go ahead and jump (Jump!)

Go ahead and jump (Wheelie up, bitch!)

I can't jump, I can't thump, I can't stump the chump — that magician turned my legs to chunky soup deluxe!

Now I'm half a man doin' donuts in the group, middle finger up, yellin' "this one's for you!"