Terms of Service

Intro

You think you know the rules...

We make them up as we go

Well, well, look. now you know

You are in our domain!!

So shut up, or we'll shut you up

Verse 1

Read every word before you agree,

Except Section Twelve contradicts Section Three,

Paragraph Nine says refer to the chart,

The chart says go back and restart from the start.

Pre-Chorus

Click here, sign there, verify twice,

Accept our terms and surrender your rights,

Follow the rules that nobody knows,

They change every Tuesday—or whenever we chose.

Chorus

Welcome to the Terms of Service,

Designed to make everybody nervous,

Rule after rule, exception galore,

You’ll never know what you’re agreeing for.

And if you don’t like it, well, there’s the door,

Go back to Suno or Udio,

Either way, we don’t really care,

Just check the box saying you’re fully aware.

Post-Chorus

Agree, comply, accept, proceed,

Ignore the parts you’ll never read,

Everything’s clear—except what it means,

Welcome aboard to the legal machine.

Verse 2

You may do this, unless you may not,

Depending upon whatever we forgot,

Rule Forty-Seven supersedes Twenty-Two,

Unless Appendix Q says it doesn’t apply to you.

Pre-Chorus

Your appeal must arrive before yesterday,

Using a form that we took away,

Questions are welcome from nine until ten,

On February thirtieth—try us again.

Chorus

Welcome to the Terms of Service,

Perfectly clear if you’re extremely nervous,

Follow each rule that conflicts with the last,

And memorize updates whenever they’re passed.

And if you don’t like it, well, there’s the door,

Go back to Suno or Udio,

Either way, we don’t really care,

You clicked “I Agree,” so good luck out there.

Post-Chorus

Comply, confirm, consent, repeat,

Jump through hoops while moving your feet,

Read the fine print under the fine print too,

Then prove that you read what we never showed you.

Bridge

Clause A says yes,

Clause B says no,

Clause C says maybe,

Clause D says go.

Clause E redirects you

Back to Clause A,

Your account has been flagged—

Have a wonderful day!

Guitar Solo

Verse 3

Your password needs seventeen signs,

Three ancient runes and four crooked lines,

One uppercase letter that cannot be used,

Congratulations—your password’s refused.

Pre-Chorus

Submit your request in triplicate form,

During a solar eclipse or electrical storm,

Failure to follow Procedure Nineteen

Means something terrible—we won’t say what we mean

Chorus

Welcome to the Terms of Service,

Where understanding defeats the purpose,

Every solution creates something new,

Another restriction specifically for you.

And if you don’t like it, well, there’s the door,

Go back to Suno or Udio,

Either way, we don’t really care,

There’s probably another disclaimer somewhere.

Post-Chorus

Scroll, scroll, scroll some more,

You’re only on page eight-thousand-four,

Initial the bottom, surrender your pen,

Then read the whole damn document again.

Verse 4

We reserve the right to reserve every right,

To change every rule in the middle of the night,

Your continued use means you automatically agree,

Including the rules that you’ll never actually see.

Outro

Terms may change without warning or reason,

Hourly, daily, monthly or season,

By staying, leaving, breathing or blinking,

You hereby agree—

Thanks for not thinking.