Wire Fraud

(Record scratch. Heavy 808 bass kicks in. Menacing synth drone.)

Verse 1

Yo, listen up bachurim, let me drop some truth

You walkin' on Shabbos with your keys, that's uncouth

You string up some wire 'round the whole damn block

Call it an Eiruv, but your psak is a mock

The Gemara's clear, the Rishonim held tight

You rely on a kula? That ain't halakhically right

Chorus

It's a gimmick, a trick, your Eiruv's a disgrace

You carry your siddur, you push your stroller case

The Eiruv won't save you, the Eiruv is fake

The Eiruv's a bubble, for goodness' sake

Step correct, bachur, don't make me perturb

Or I'll call you out on your sham Eiruv

Verse 2

You rent the space from the goyishe mayor?

That's your sevara? I swear

A goy can't be shliach for a mitzvah, you know

But you bend the halakha to make your shul go

You got your lekhis, your wires, your tzuras hapesakh

But the Brisker Rav would be spittin' hot wrekh

Chorus

It's a gimmick, a trick, your Eiruv's a disgrace

You carry your keys, you push your stroller case

The Eiruv won't save you, the Eiruv is fake

The Eiruv's a bubble, for goodness' sake

Step correct, bachur, don't make me perturb

Or I'll call you out on your sham Eiruv

Bridge - spoken, whispered

The Rambam said no. The Rif said no.

Your Eiruv's a heter that's got no kheshbon.

You're oveir on Shabbos d'Oraisa, my friend.

Your Eiruv won't save you in the end.

Outro - bass fades

No basis... no din...

Just a fake Eiruv... a khurban within...

Check your mekoros... before you check out...

Permanently.

(Single low bass rumble.)