Dr Dirty's Filthy Limericks

Verse 1

There once was a man from the city

Whose girlfriend looked slightly like Kitty

With tits to the floor

She looked like a whore

And her laugh made the bishop feel gritty

Chorus

Oh raise up your glass for the dirty old sod

Sing louder, don't care if it's odd

If you ain't got a dick or a twat or a tit

Then you probably just came from abroad

Verse 2

A woman from Leeds loved her gin

Drank ‘til she fell in the bin

She flashed her bare ass

To the poor Sunday mass

And got thrown out for making them grin

Chorus

Oh raise up your glass for the dirty old sod

Sing louder, don't care if it's odd

If you spot a vagina that stinks up the joint

Then just blame it on last night's cod

Post-Chorus

Balls, balls, hairy and bold

Stories that never get old

Cocks and pricks, big floppy dicks

We’re singing ‘bout filth untold

Verse 3

A fella named Mike with a tiny old knob

Tried to impress the whole mob

He showed off his junk

It looked like a stump

Got laughed at right out of his job

Chorus

Oh raise up your glass for the dirty old sod

Sing louder, don't care if it's odd

If you’re lacking a hole for a cock or a pole

Then you’ll have to go wank with the squad

Bridge

Pussy and jizz and a fart in the breeze

Her panties were stained at the knees

If you’re here for decency

You best turn and flee

Cause we’re sicker than chlamydia cheese

Chorus

Oh raise up your glass for the dirty old sod

Sing louder, don't care if it's odd

We’ll croon about balls and about anal holes

Until half of the club’s been outlawed

Post-Chorus

Balls, balls, hairy and bold

Stories that never get old

Cock and tits, we’re proud of our bits

For filth is our favorite ode