LLORONA GOT A JOB

Intro – Spoken

Okay, so apparently there's a woman

Who walks around crying for her kids.

They call her La Llorona.

I thought it was just a bedtime story.

Until she started knocking on my Airbnb door at 3 AM.

Verse 1

It's three in the morning, I'm taking out the trash,

Heard somebody crying, thought I heard a baby laugh.

Looked down by the river, saw a lady dressed in white,

I said, "Ma'am, you good? You been crying all night?"

She said, "¡Ay, mis hijos!" I said, "What'd they do?"

She said, "I lost my children!" I said, "That's rough, dude."

She's floating in the water, got a ghostly little glow,

I said, "Have you tried Facebook? They got people you should know."

She's got long black hair, looking like a shampoo ad,

Been haunting every river, probably driving people mad.

She's screaming in the distance, making everybody run,

I said, "You need a therapist, not another midnight stroll for fun."

Chorus – Catchy

¡Ay, ay, ay, La Llorona!

Why you crying by my house? Go find a therapist, señora!

¡Ay, ay, ay, what a drama!

You've been haunting Mexico longer than my grandma!

La Llorona, La Llorona,

Floating down the river like she owns the whole zona.

La Llorona, please go home,

It's 3 AM and I'm trying to use my phone!

Verse 2 – Faster Flow

She appeared in my kitchen, I was making quesadillas,

She said, "Where are my children?" I said, "Ask your abuelita."

She started getting louder, I started getting nervous,

I said, "I'm not your therapist, I work in customer service."

She followed me to Walmart, scared the cashier at the door,

She cried in aisle eleven, now they're closing aisle four.

She haunted my apartment, made the neighbors call the cops,

The officer said, "Who's that?" I said, "Bro, I don't know, stop!"

She's got no driver's license, doesn't pay her rent,

She's been haunting for centuries, where did all the time go?

No job, no paycheck, no retirement plan,

She's the most unemployed supernatural woman in the land.

Chorus

¡Ay, ay, ay, La Llorona!

Why you crying by my house? Go find a therapist, señora!

¡Ay, ay, ay, what a drama!

You've been haunting Mexico longer than my grandma!

Verse 3 – Beat Switch

Hold up, wait, I got a business idea,

La Llorona's got a voice, she could sing opera.

Put her in a studio, give her a microphone,

She could make an album called Leave Me Alone.

Got her on Spotify, now she's going viral,

Her first single dropped, it's called "Riverside Survival."

A million streams later, now she's making some cash,

Still crying in the background, but at least she's getting paid.

She got a manager, a label, and a tour,

Selling ghost merchandise outside the liquor store.

Her kids still missing, but the album went platinum,

I asked about her feelings, she said, "¡Ay, qué drama!"

Bridge – Spoken

Ladies and gentlemen...

We have successfully turned a Mexican urban legend

Into a struggling independent recording artist.

Her new album drops Friday.

Final Verse

Now she's at my front door, asking for a ride,

I said, "Get in the Uber, I'm not driving tonight."

She said, "Take me to the river," I said, "That's kinda far."

She said, "I'll pay you in tears." I said, "I don't take that card."

Now she's got a podcast, talking about her past,

Episode one is two hours of her crying nonstop.

I tried to unsubscribe, but she showed up at my place,

Now I sleep with all the lights on and a pillow on my face.

Outro

¡Ay, mis hijos!

Ma'am, please.

It's been 400 years.

Maybe try a hobby?

¡JAJAJA!