Christmas single Christmas shopping is such a pain

Intro

It's that rancid season, malls crawling with disease

Plastic snow is choking me, fake cheer on repeat

Beneath the blinking nightmare, spend your guts and run

Corporate claws out early, game of wallet roulette begun

Verse 1

I park six miles away because the vultures swoop for spots

Every shopping cart is busted, every aisle a firing squad

Parents fighting over legos, kids grinding filthy floors

F*** your silent night, I hear alarms behind each door

Pre-Chorus

Santa's on the payroll, wringing out my pride

Elf drones counting receipts, dreams already died

Chorus

Christmas time is coming, so I gotta hit the store

Everywhere I go, people fighting on the floor

All these plastic Santas, they're staring at my soul

My wallet screaming mercy, but spending's out of control

Verse 2

I grab a toy, it's marked up twice, what the hell is this?

The checkout line's a mile long, every shopper's pissed

Someone bumps my cart while stuffing socks into their coat

Are we celebrating kindness or just trying to stay afloat?

Pre-Chorus

All I want's a cheap escape without a missing limb

But the deals are just a scam, and my patience running thin

Chorus

Do I look like I'm made of cash, you know these prices bite

I'd rather eat a bucket of snow than fight this crowd tonight

Corporate elves, they laugh at me as receipts spill from my hands

But I'm forced to drop my paycheck in this twisted winter land

Verse 3

Gift wrap's fifty bucks a roll, who the **** decided that?

Tiny socks for twenty bucks, this mall's run by rats

A Christmas playlist blaring, I can't take another tune

If one more brat is screaming, I will launch myself to the moon

Pre-Chorus

All the holiday cheer means debts that never quit

I came here for one present—and I'm leaving with just lint

Verse 4

I step in dog crap in the lot, just salt in the wound

Some clown blocks the exit, blaring car horns out of tune

They say giving is the spirit, but my patience has snapped

If Santa saw this mess, he'd tell us all to get slapped

Bridge

F*** these tangled lights that never even work

F*** this ugly sweater, itchy as a curse

F*** these last-minute deals that screw me either way

Maybe Christmas spirit's just a goddamn lie today

Outro

So shove your holiday coupons where the snow don't fall

I'm maxed out, burned out, and I'm hating Deck the Halls

Next year I'm hibernating, let the madness fade away

Screw your Christmas shopping, I'm done—I'm not okay

Extended Outro

F*** your ugly garland, it sheds all over my floor

F*** these gift receipts, never right, always more

All these fake-ass smiles, every shopper's got a knife

If Christmas means this s***, then I've wasted half my life

I haul my flaming temper back to my icebox car

My bank account's a war zone, my credit score's bizarre

Another year destroyed for crap nobody needs

So f*** your holiday specials—I'm out, let me bleed

Final Statement

May your eggnog curdle, and your batteries run dry

This is my last Christmas meltdown—I quit, goodbye

Final Statement

May your eggnog curdle, and your batteries run dry

This is my last Christmas meltdown—I quit, goodbye

Post-Script

Shove your plastic snowmen deep where the sun can’t reach

Your screaming kids deserve coal and a ten-hour screech

Here’s to shredded wrapping paper clogging up my drain

And to every useless gadget I’ll never use again

Last Rant

I hope your tinsel chokes the tree and clogs your f***ing sink

I hope your new pajamas shrink and your fruitcake makes you stink

Your ugly light-up reindeer, your cracked inflatable snow globe

All this holiday garbage can burn with my shredded hopes

Exit Threat

If I hear another jingle, I’ll chew through these wires

If you wish me "joy," I’ll start ten more dumpster fires

So let the sleigh bells rot, let the Christmas cards combust

You keep your filthy presents—leave me alone, that’s a must

Final Meltdown

Here's to punch-drunk parents slugging cider in the lot

Here's to holiday slogans that can rot right on the spot

Screw your peppermint candles and overpriced junk food

I’ll wrap my rage in tinsel—season’s greetings, I’m screwed

Last Straw

If Grandma wants a pudding, she can buy her own damn tin

If anyone wants carols, I’ll just scream instead of sing

You corporate Christmas vampires, suck a candy cane and choke

If one more sale pops up, I’ll smash this mall remote

Hateful Benediction

Merry debt-mas, happy stress, get your sugar-rush disease

May your glitter turn to glue, may your credit freeze

Keep your cheerful hashtags, your holiday abuse

This consumerist disaster’s my final excuse

Absolute Goodbye

Lock me in the garage until the new year’s come and gone

Hide my last mug of cocoa, I'm done—so f*** off and move on