Plump Polly

Verse

Now, Polly was a paragon of passionate pursuits

Who paraded past the parlour in her pretty, pointy boots.

Upon the pub piano she would pound a proper tune

And prance about the premises all Sunday afternoon

They said she previously pushed out perfectly persuadable performances

Which prominently pointed out her personal enormousness

Chorus

Oh, Polly! Plump Polly! A positively cracking peach

Presenting proper posture to the patrons in her reach.

She'll polish off a pint of port, she'll pacify the priest

And playfully provide a truly tantalising feast..

Piano Flourish, played on trumpet

Verse

Her puddings were a picture, she was proud to pump the pies

With a pair of peachy portions that would paralyse your eyes.

Young Percy paid a penny just to peek upon her plums

But Polly caused him palpitations, pinching both his thumbs

She said, "You pompous pip-squeak, put your paws inside your pants!"

And promptly pushed poor Percy in the pub's petunias plants.

Chorus

Oh, Polly! Plump Polly! A positively cracking peach

Presenting proper posture to the patrons in her reach.

She'll polish off a pint of port, she'll pacify the priest,

And playfully provide a truly tantalising feast

Bridge

Now, presently, the parish priest, the pious Pastor Paul,

Popped in to preach to Polly, but he panicked in the hall.

For Polly was parading in a peachy pink peignoir,

Preparing to be painted in the private pub boudoir

The Pastor palpitated, peering past the potted palm...

"Such provocative placement!" prayed the Pastor in a qualm

But Polly purred politely, "Put your preaching in a poke,

I’m just practising my plovers for a pantomimic joke"

Break

Verse

Young Peter was a plumber who was practically prepared

To pipe her proper premises, if Polly really cared, he

produced a pipe-wrench, pink and cast in brass,

And proposed to plunge the plumbing for this paramount young lass

He poked around the pantry till his pipes were piping hot

And Polly said, "You’re perfect, Pete --- you've hit the proper spot"

Chorus

Oh, Polly! Plump Polly! A positively cracking peach

Presenting proper posture to the patrons in her reach.

She’ll polish off a pint of port, she’ll pacify the priest,

And playfully provide a truly tantalising feast

Outro

So please appraise our Polly as a pinnacle of pride

A paramount phenomenon, phenomenally wide.

She previously pushed out perfectly persuadable performances,

And pulverised the public... with her passing... prominences