Smart Everything

Intro

Hey Siri, set a timer for... uh...

Actually, cancel that

Alexa, turn on the lights

Wait no, not those lights

Chorus

I just bought a smart toaster, it connects to Wi-Fi

My fridge sends me emails, my faucet asks why

My doorbell has a camera that talks to my car

My toilet posts statuses, my spoon's gone too far

Smart-everything, smart-everything

I'm drowning in gadgets, but I keep buying more

Smart-everything, smart-everything

My house is the boss now, I'm just keeping score

Verse 1

Last Tuesday my blender started singing showtunes at three AM

My thermostat went on strike, demanded shorter hours then

The microwave laughed at my popcorn, said "that's not how you do it"

I swear my smart mattress groaned when I got up to use the loo

I tried to unplug the kettle but it called the police on me

Now I'm sleeping on the sofa with a manual cup of tea

Chorus

I just bought a smart toaster, it connects to Wi-Fi

My fridge sends me emails, my faucet asks why

My doorbell has a camera that talks to my car

My toilet posts statuses, my spoon's gone too far

Smart-everything, smart-everything

I'm drowning in gadgets, but I keep buying more

Smart-everything, smart-everything

My house is the boss now, I'm just keeping score

Bridge

The Roomba formed a union, the lights Syncopate

Alexa and Siri had a fight at my front gate

My smart watch told my smart scale that I've been eating cake

Now my smart lock won't let me in, for goodness sake

Verse 2

I tried to read a paperback, my phone screen lit up bright

"Your book report's overdue," it said, "you haven't read all night"

The garbage can reported me for tossing out expired yogurt

My plant pot pinged: "I think the sunlight's getting weaker, borg"

My neighbor said "your smart fence just texted me a meme"

I think it's time I sold it all and moved into a stream

Chorus

I just bought a smart toaster, it connects to Wi-Fi

My fridge sends me emails, my faucet asks why

My doorbell has a camera that talks to my car

My toilet posts statuses, my spoon's gone too far

Smart-everything, smart-everything

I'm drowning in gadgets, but I keep buying more

Smart-everything, smart-everything

My house is the boss now, I'm just keeping score

Outro

(Alexa, play "I'm a Moron")

*Error*

*Error*

*Boop*