participation trophy

Verse 1

You showed up on time,

not a minute too late

I’m staring at you like you’re altering fate

You asked how I’m doing,

you held open doors

I’m practically melting right onto the floor

Pre-Chorus

The bar is so low it’s essentially dirt

But you stepped right over it,

losing your shirt

My friends think I’m crazy,

my mother’s appalled

But you didn’t ghost me,

you actually called

Chorus

So I’m handing out a participation trophy

For doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing for me

You didn't cheat on me, you paid for the drinks

I'm so starved for effort,

I don't care what my therapist thinks

You cleared the bare minimum,

passing degree

So come here and claim your participation trophy

Verse 2

You put your own dishes straight into the sink

I’m slipping right out of my little silk thing

You used a big word and you spelled it correct

I'm getting aroused by your sheer intellect

Bridge

I could hold out for a man who is perfect and pure

But a guy with a job is the ultimate cure

If you're not a complete and unbearable mess

I'm saying I do in a white wedding dress

Chorus

So I’m handing out a participation trophy

For doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing for me

You didn't cheat on me, you paid for the drinks

I'm so starved for effort, I don't care what my therapist thinks

You cleared the bare minimum, passing degree

So come here and claim your participation trophy

Spoken Outro

Wait, you actually know the difference between your and you're?

Stop. I'm literally swooning.

Here's your ribbon, baby. First place.

You can take my pants off now.