Microwave Wallet

Intro

Oh-oh

Yeah

I woke up this morning...

And immediately made a mistake.

Verse 1

I put my shoes inside the fridge

And tried to teach a pigeon how to swim

My neighbour's cat just called me Dave

I said, "That's funny, that's not my name"

I bought a suit for my goldfish

Now he's got more drip than me

I tried to take a selfie with a mirror

But the mirror wasn't feeling me

Pre-Chorus

I don't know what's happening

I think I've lost the plot

I tried to make some scrambled eggs

And accidentally cooked the pot

Chorus

My brain is on airplane mode

I'm driving down a one-way road

I put my phone inside my shoe

And now I don't know what to do

Oh, I'm a walking disaster

Getting dumber every chapter

I tried to look intelligent

But forgot what intelligent meant

Verse 2

I went to buy a loaf of bread

Came home with a garden shed

The cashier said, "Have a lovely day"

I said, "You too," then walked away

I saw a duck wearing Nike shoes

He said he's got some breaking news

Apparently the moon is made of cheese

And he wants to sell me the recipe

My GPS said turn left

So I turned into a sandwich shop

Ordered seventeen pancakes

Then forgot how to make them stop

Pre-Chorus

I don't know what's happening

My life's a comedy

I tried to have a serious thought

But it started laughing back at me

Chorus

My brain is on airplane mode

I'm driving down a one-way road

I put my phone inside my shoe

And now I don't know what to do

Oh, I'm a walking disaster

Getting dumber every chapter

I tried to look intelligent

But forgot what intelligent meant

Bridge

My doctor said I need more sleep

I said, "Can I sleep for seventeen weeks?"

He said, "That's not how sleeping works"

I said, "Well, that's just rude, you jerk"

I tried to write a love song

But rhymed your name with chicken

Bought a brand-new swimming pool

But forgot to check if it was filling

Final Chorus

My brain is on airplane mode

I'm riding on a garden gnome

I put my cereal in the sink

And drank my orange juice with a fork, I think

Oh, I'm a walking disaster

Getting dumber every chapter

If common sense is what you need

Then I'm the last man you should meet

Outro

Oh-oh

What was I saying?

Never mind

I left my wallet in the microwave

And my microwave is at the dentist

Yeah...

Goodnight.