!!!Goodnight, Sweet Princess

Instrumental Outro

Verse 1

I'm seventy-five and my joints are all creaking,

I play King Lear while my dentures are leaking!

Then she walked on stage in a mini-skirt tutu,

And suddenly seventy feels like a "screw you!"

She plays Juliet and I play her nurse,

Or sometimes the corpse in a tragedy verse,

She looks at my wrinkles, she sighs and she smiles,

And I'm falling head-first through the orchestra aisles!

Chorus

Oh, Romeo-no, I'm the creepy old guy!

With hair plugs of silver and tears in my eye.

I bought her a rose, but I swallowed the thorn,

I'm a vintage old coat that is tattered and torn!

She's twenty-one, she's drinking green tea,

While I pop my pills for my heart and my knee!

It's tragic, it's magic, it's completely absurd,

I'm a sexagenarian for the third!

Verse 2

We share a backstage where the powder is flying,

She's talking 'bout TikTok, I'm silently crying.

She calls me "Grandpa," she calls me "Dear friend,"

And I silently die and revive at the end.

Tonight in Act Three, I must hold her real close,

My ticker is racing, I'm burning like toast.

She whispers her lines with her breath on my cheek—

If my pacemaker fires, I'll pass out for a week!

Electric guitar solo

Chorus

Oh, Romeo-no, I'm the creepy old guy!

With hair plugs of silver and tears in my eye.

I bought her a rose, but I swallowed the thorn,

I'm a vintage old coat that is tattered and torn!

She's twenty-one, she's drinking green tea,

While I pop my pills for my heart and my knee!

It's tragic, it's magic, it's completely absurd,

I'm a sexagenarian for the third!

Outro

Curtain goes down...

Applause from the stalls.

She hugs the stage manager, not me at all.

Goodnight, sweet princess... goodnight to my pride...

Coughs

Someone please wheel my old chair to the side.