Carbs are Evil

VERSE 1

My belly wobbles, it's the bread

The pasta plots to see me dead

A croissant smiles with buttery spite

The rice at night just isn't right

A bagel's hole goes straight to hell

The tortilla tells me, oh so well

Patooties are duds and oats are foes

And don't get me started on Cheerios

VERSE 2

The crumpets jump right in my gob

A scone has thrown me off my job

The chip shop drips with evil fat

I can't have that, I can't have that!

A biscuit's crisp assaults my soul

The roll takes toll and takes its toll

A muffin stuffs my gut with gloom

The room goes dark, I've met my doom

CHORUS

Carbs are Evil! (Evil! Evil!)

Carbs are Evil! (Evil! Evil!)

The final war at heaven's gate

My soul they want to dominate

I stand and wait to face my fate

VERSE 3

The pizza sees me, says hello

It wants to grow me head to toe!

A naan bread plan to expand me out

I scream and shout — what's this about?!

The pretzel twists my sanity!

A vanity of energy!

The waffle laughs upon my plate

I hate the bait, I HATE THE BAIT

CHORUS

Carbs are Evil! (Evil! Evil!)

Carbs are Evil! (Evil! Evil!)

The final war at heaven's gate

My soul they want to dominate

I stand and wait to face my fate

BRIDGE

Oright, listen 'ere yeah?

These bloody carbs are doing my nut in proper.

Everywhere I look it's baps and baps and more baps!

You got your jacket spuds acting all innocent like

"oh I'm just a tater mate"

— NAH you're a starchy little villain ain't ya?

And don't even get me started on the crisps

proper cheeky they are.

Sitting there in their packets going "go on then, have a nibble."

It's doing my head in! The chip butty?

That's just carbs on carbs having a laugh at my expense!

I went down the boozer and they've only gone and put pork scratchings OUT OF BOUNDS

'cause they're basically just salt and... you guessed it... CARBS!

The baker on the high street's giving it the large one with his bloomers and his batch loafs

— it's a bleedin' conspiracy mate, straight up!

Greggs is ground zero for this war on my waistline.

I'm proper fuming about it, I am.

Carbs are mugging me off daily and I'm supposed to just take it?

NOT ON YOUR NELLY!

GUITAR SOLO

CHORUS

Carbs are Evil! (Evil! Evil!)

Carbs are Evil! (Evil! Evil!)

The final war at heaven's gate

My soul they want to dominate

I stand and wait to face my fate