Captain shit in pants and the brown stayed

Prelude

There’s a hush in the tavern just before he walks in

Every stool’s got a story where disaster begins

Dirty boots on the tiles, what a record he holds

Every stain tells a tale, every legend retold

Opening Verse

Before the night went south, before anyone fled

There was talk of a captain and the dread that he spread

From the bow of the bar to the end of the street

You can trace him in footprints and the stench in the heat

Intro

He rolled off the docks with a curse in his throat

Trousers already waving that brown devil afloat

Barflys recoiled as the doors swung wide

With a swagger in filth he stumbled inside

Verse 1

Never seen a captain quite so obscene

You can smell his arrival, even if you're unseen

With stains on his back and darkness below

He laughs as the groans from the crowd start to grow

Pre-Chorus

He’s the shipwreck you can’t avoid

Bringing chaos, pride destroyed

Raise a glass, but plug your nose

Before the legend truly grows

Chorus

Captain shit in pants and the brown

Stayed all night and it smells around

Wrecked the sheets and the morning too

Now everybody knows the filthy truth

Post-Chorus

Oh oh oh, lord, it stinks

Oh oh oh, can't escape that stink

Verse 2

He strutted in the hallway, boots all muddy

Told a tall tale, but his hands were cruddy

Raised a glass, nobody's impressed

Cuz the stains on his seat confess

Pre-Chorus

He’s got troubles in his realm

Left a mess at the helm

No, you can’t hide from the crown

When you’re Captain shit in pants in this town

Chorus

Captain shit in pants and the brown

Stayed all night and it smells around

Wrecked the sheets and the morning too

Now everybody knows the filthy truth

Post-Chorus

Oh oh oh, lord, it stinks

Oh oh oh, can't escape that stink

Bridge

Parading down the avenue, leaving marks on the throne

Every seat he visits gets that smell of his own

Bartender grins, tries not to gag

As Captain laughs loud, waving his dirty rag

Chorus

Captain shit in pants and the brown

Stayed all night and it smells around

Wrecked the sheets and the morning too

Now everybody knows the filthy truth

Post-Chorus

Oh oh oh, lord, it stinks

Oh oh oh, can't escape that stink

Outro

When the tavern locks up and the laughter dies out

No one forgets what the captain’s about

His legacy lingers, etched in the air

Captain shit in pants, foul and unfair

Outro - Extended

But old habits die harder than whiskey or gin

Still haunting the bar with a shiteating grin

Painted that toilet with legends obscene

No one forgets where his ass has been

Post-Chorus

Oh oh oh, it lingers on

Oh oh oh, the smell is strong

Tag

Captain shit in pants, no redemption found

Left his story and his stench all over this town

Outro - Final Verse

Now the door's got a warning, scrawled with his name

Nobody sits down, no one's taking the blame

There’s a legend in grime, they'll tell you for years

About that infamous captain and his trail of jeers

Post-Chorus

Oh oh oh, he's gone but the stench remains

Oh oh oh, airing out the stains

Tag - Reprise

Captain shit in pants, burned in our brains

Wherever there's shame, he's marking his claims

Extended Outro

But the town keeps on growing, the tale's passed around

Every pub has a rule, every toilet a frown

Parents warn their children, "Steer clear of that seat"

Still Captain's shadow walks every dirty street

Post-Chorus

Oh oh oh, breathe at your own risk

Oh oh oh, can't escape that whiff

Tag - Final

Captain shit in pants, a stain on the lore

He’s just a dirty legend haunting every door