Are You Braindead?

Intro

Mm-hmm

Oh-oh

Well now

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Verse 1

I told a little story at the family feast

About my uncle's toupee and his neighbor's niece

Everybody hollered 'til the gravy went cold

Then my aunt dropped her fork and the whole room froze

Turns out the niece was sitting three chairs down

Turned out my uncle had a funeral in town

I laughed like a donkey at my own dumb gag

Now I'm the only fella wearin' a name tag

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Verse 2

Next time I cracked wise at the church potluck

Said the preacher's sermon put the pigeons to sleep

Deacon Chuck stood up slow and he rolled his sleeves

My mama grabbed my collar like a sack of beans

I apologized twice and I apologized thrice

Told 'em I was joking but they weren't nice

Now I'm passing out casseroles door to door

Sayin' sorry like I never said sorry before

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Bridge

Belly laughs belly flops

Same mouth same clock

Tick tick tick tick

Oops

One more joke and I'm out the door

One more punchline on the kitchen floor

Hee hee haw haw

Verse 3

So I joined a talent show at the county fair

Thought I'd do impressions of the mayor's hair

I had the wig and the walk and the grin all set

But I mixed up my notes with my grocery list

So I stood on the stage and I read out loud

"Two percent milk and a cabbage, no doubt"

The mayor was sitting in the front row

With his wife and his mama and his dominoes

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Verse 4

Then I told a riddle at my cousin's wake

Bout a chicken and a preacher and a rattlesnake

Half the room went quiet, half the room went wild

My grandma threw a hymnal and she missed my head by miles

I tried to save it with a second joke

But the second one was worse and the third one broke

Now I'm banned from every potluck in the state

And my name's on a list by the pearly gate

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Bridge

One joke too many, one laugh too late

One fella standing in a whole lotta hate

Haw haw haw

Oops

Tell me twice and I'll tell you once

I'm the punchline and the fool and the dunce

Yuk yuk yuk

Aw shucks

Guitar Solo

Verse 5

So I wrote an apology on a big ol' sign

Drove it through town at a quarter to nine

Folks came out to see what the racket was

Read it out loud and they started to buzz

Said "I'm sorry for the joke, sorry for the laugh

Sorry for the chicken, sorry for the half"

By sundown they were laughing at the man

Who couldn't tell a joke but could sure take a stand

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Breakdown

Braindead braindead

Who me who me

Braindead braindead

Could be could be

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin'

Verse 6

Well I figured I'd been quiet long enough

So I tried one little joke on the school bus

Told the driver that his tires were made of cheese

He pulled over and he made me get on my knees

The kids all giggled and the kids all pointed

Said my sense of humor oughta be anointed

Now I'm walking five miles with my shoes untied

And the driver's still yelling as he's waving goodbye

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Verse 7

Then I tried my hand at the barber shop

Said the barber's haircut looked like a mop

He went quiet and he sharpened up his shears

And I sat there sweating for a couple of years

He shaved me bald and he shaved me twice

Said "Now that's a joke that'll last you nice"

I walked out shining like a boiled egg

With a bald head and a busted leg

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Bridge

Ain't it funny how a fella never learns

Ain't it funny how the tables always turn

Yuk yuk yuk

Oops

Tell a joke and lose a friend

Tell another and you lose the whole blend

Haw haw haw

Aw shucks

Verse 8

So I swore off jokes for a whole long week

Kept my mouth shut tight like a leaky creek

Then a fella asked me how my day had been

And I said "Like a chicken in a washing machine"

He didn't laugh, he just stared at me

Like I'd grown a second head for free

I tried to explain but it came out wrong

Now I'm humming that same old song

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Verse 9

Last night I had a dream about a clown

Who told a joke and the whole tent fell down

I woke up laughing with a busted lip

And a note on my pillow that said "Please skip"

So I called my mama and I asked her why

Funny things go wrong and make grown men cry

She said "Son, the joke ain't the joke at all

It's the fella telling it that's bound to fall"

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Breakdown

Braindead braindead

Who me who me

Braindead braindead

Could be could be

Ha ha ha

Yuk yuk yuk

Oops

Aw shucks

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Outro

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Mm-hmm

Oh-oh

Well now

Braindead

Verse 10

Well I moved to a new town where nobody knew

The fella who flopped at the potluck stew

Got me a job at the lumber yard

Swore I'd keep my trap shut hard

First day on the job a fella slipped on a nail

And I hollered "Look out, that's a slippery trail"

Everybody turned and the foreman frowned

Said "Boy, that's the fourth time somebody's gone down"

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Verse 11

So I took a second job at the funeral home

Thought the dead don't talk and the dead don't groan

But I tripped on a casket and I popped the lid

And I hollered "Surprise!" like a birthday kid

The widow fainted and the organ quit

The preacher said a word I ain't allowed to repeat

Now I'm scrubbing the pews with a toothbrush size

And I ain't allowed to look nobody in the eyes

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Verse 12

Then I told a whopper at the county jail

Visiting my cousin who was out on bail

Said the warden wears his britches inside out

And the whole cell block started up a shout

They threw me out the gate and they threw me far

Landed in a ditch next to somebody's car

Now my cousin won't write and my cousin won't call

And I'm the biggest joke in the county hall

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Bridge

One more crack and the whole town knows

One more zinger and away it goes

Hee hee haw haw

Oops

Funny bone, funny break

Funny how much a fella can take

Yuk yuk yuk

Aw shucks

Guitar Solo

Verse 13

So I tried my luck at the wedding reception

Told the bride her dress looked like a tent invention

The groom went pale and the band went dead

And somebody's uncle threw a loaf of bread

I got chased out the door by a hundred kin

With a fondant stain on my chinny-chin

Now I'm hiding in a haystack out by the farm

Listening to the fiddles doing me harm

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Verse 14

Then I cracked a joke to a man with a badge

Said his mustache looked like a tired old cat

He wrote me a ticket for being a fool

And he made me read the whole penal code in school

I sat in the back with a dunce cap on

Singing every verse of the same old song

And the teacher said "Son, you're a special case"

And she hung my picture in the hall of shame

Pre-Chorus

Funny how the funny falls flat

Funny how you can't take it back

Chorus

Are you braindead after the joke went wrong

Are you braindead now the punchline's gone

Sittin' there with your mouth hung wide

Wishin' you could crawl back inside

Post-Chorus

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Ha ha ha

Nah nah nah

Bridge

Ain't it funny how a fella never quits

Ain't it funny how the shoe still fits

Haw haw haw

Oops

Tell a joke and lose your town

Tell another and they run you down

Yuk yuk yuk

Aw shucks