My Love Is Rust

This woman walks into my life and says, "Hey"

She looked at me and said, "Hey"

Then she said, "Hey"

Verse 1

I met her at the scrapyard, she was looking for some tin

With a smile that looked like tetanus and a missing safety pin

I took a closer look and saw her shining in the mist

She had the kind of beauty that the OSHA board missed

Oh, her skin is pale as drywall, and her posture's kind of bent

And she smells a little bit like damp, decaying oil vent

But when the sun hits her head, oh boy, it makes me want to scream

She's a walking, talking, oxidation dream!

Chorus

Oh, my love is rust! But she's still the best!

She's got that red-brown oxidation coating all across her chest!

No, I don't mean she's old or that she's rotting in the dirt

I'm talking 'bout the color of the hair beneath her shirt!

(And on her head too!)

It's a beautiful shade of corroded iron pipe

She's my heavy-metal, flaky, toxic-waste type!

Verse 2

Now, some guys like a blonde, or a brunette that is clean

But I prefer my woman looking like an old machine

We went out to a diner for a little bite to eat

She ordered up a glass of bleach and raw, infected meat

When I try to hold her hand, it makes a terrible squeaking sound

I have to spray her joints with WD-40 just to get her off the ground!

She's got a lazy left eye that looks straight into your soul

And a collection of human teeth inside a silver bowl!

Chorus

Yeah, my love is rust! But she's still the best!

She failed every single psychological test!

No, I don't mean she's crusty or she's falling apart

I'm talking 'bout the ginger-colored chambers of her heart!

It's the color of a shipwreck, it's the color of decay

And if I ever try to leave, she says she'll make me pay!

Bridge

Hey!

I'll cut your face!

Cut your face!

Verse 3

We're getting married Tuesday at the local junk car lot

She's wearing something old, and something stained with a dark spot

The preacher is a vulture that she rescued from a trap

Our wedding cake is made of drywall screws and ginger snap

If she ever goes completely bald, I think I'll lose my mind

'Cause a girl with hair like rust is so damn hard to find!

Outro

Yeah, my love is rust!

(Squeak, squeak!)

Pure unadulterated, non-galvanized rust!

She's the best!

(Cuckoo clock sound)

Until she turns me into dust!

Yeah, she's the beeeeeest...