20 YEARS, NO GPS

INTRO

Twenty years away from home.

One angry sea god.

A one-eyed giant.

Some singing mermaids.

And a wife who's been waiting FOREVER.

Odysseus, bro... just go home!

VERSE 1 – THE TROJAN WAR

I'm Odysseus, king of Ithaca, I'm ready to roll,

Just finished the war, now I'm heading back home.

Ten years at Troy, finally won that fight,

Got a wooden horse trick, yeah, we did that right.

Got my crew on the ships, got the wind in our sails,

But Poseidon got mad, now we're headed off the rails.

Thought I'd be home in a couple of days,

Now I'm twenty years deep in this maritime maze!

VERSE 2 – THE CYCLOPS

Pulled up to an island, found a cave full of cheese,

Then a giant walked in, and he wasn't saying please.

Polyphemus the Cyclops, one eye in his head,

Ate a couple of my men, now we're practically dead.

I said, "My name is Nobody," got a plan in my brain,

Got him drunk, put a stick in his eye, what a pain!

He screamed, "Nobody hurt me!" His friends walked away,

Then we escaped underneath sheep the next day!

HOOK

Twenty years, no GPS,

Lost at sea, what a total mess!

Poseidon's mad, Zeus is unimpressed,

I'm just trying to get home and get some rest!

From the monsters to the waves,

I've been fighting every day.

Ithaca, I'm coming back,

Just keep my seat at the palace intact!

VERSE 3 – THE ISLAND HOPPING

Met Circe the witch, turned my crew into pigs,

I'm thinking to myself, man, this trip is getting big.

Hermes gave me herbs, said, "Don't fall for her spell,"

Spent a year on her island, yeah, that went well.

Then the Sirens started singing by the shore,

Beautiful voices, but you don't want more.

Put wax in my crew's ears, tied myself to the mast,

They were singing so sweet, but I couldn't get past!

VERSE 4 – THE SEA MONSTERS

Scylla on the left, Charybdis on the right,

Six heads grabbing sailors, what a terrible sight.

Then Helios had cattle, said, "Don't touch my herd!"

My crew ate the cattle, didn't listen to a word.

Zeus sent a lightning bolt, blew the whole ship apart,

Now I'm floating in the ocean with a broken-up heart.

Calypso kept me trapped on her island for years,

All I wanted was Ithaca, my home, and my beers!

VERSE 5 – BACK HOME

Finally reached Ithaca, disguised as a man,

Got a hundred suitors trying to take my land.

Penelope's waiting, she's been playing it smart,

Told those guys, "Finish this challenge before we can start."

String my old bow, shoot an arrow through the rings,

All those wannabe kings couldn't do a single thing.

I grabbed that bow, put the suitors to the test,

Then showed those fools who's the king of the west!

Telemachus beside me, now we're taking back the throne,

Twenty years later, finally back home!

BRIDGE – SPOKEN

Let's review the trip:

Trojan War? Ten years.

Cyclops? Almost got eaten.

Circe? Pig situation.

Sirens? Nearly lost my mind.

Sea monsters? Terrible customer service.

Poseidon? One-star review.

And all I wanted was to go home!

FINAL HOOK

Twenty years, no GPS,

Survived the sea and every test!

From the Cyclops to the Sirens' song,

I kept on fighting just to make it home!

Ithaca, I'm finally back,

Got my family and my kingdom intact!

The Odyssey, remember the name,

A legendary journey and a whole lot of pain!

OUTRO – SPOKEN

Some heroes get statues.

Some heroes get treasure.

Odysseus got twenty years of travel trauma.

Moral of the story?

Never make Poseidon mad.