Lyrics
(Verse 1) We packed a thousand juice boxes and a mountain of snacks
I’ve got a double-stroller sprained-disk pain in my back
We’re barely past the turnstile, and the toddler starts to cry
Because I won't let him eat the dip for the Dippin' Dots guy
The map is torn to pieces, and the baby’s lost a shoe
Welcome to the circus—I mean, a morning at the zoo.
(Chorus)
Oh, the monkeys are swinging, but the kids are going wilder
The lion’s taking a nap, and I wish my coffee was milder
We paid forty bucks for a plastic bucket of fish
And the goat just ate my car keys—it’s everything I’d wish
Yeah, the animals are caged, but let’s be honest, it’s true:
The real beasts are the ones I brought along to the zoo.
(Verse 2) We made it to the tigers, but they’re hiding in the grass
The preschooler is screaming, "Look! I see the monkey’s... face!"
We stood in line for forty mins to see the "Big Panda"
But my daughter’s more obsessed with a discarded Fanta
Now the nine-year-old is climbing up the safety guard rail
Trying to play tag with a very grumpy snow leopard’s tail.
(Verse 3) We hit the elephant house and it hits us like a wall
A smell so thick and heavy that it lingers in the hall
"It smells like Daddy’s gym bag!" my oldest shouts with glee
As a dozen startled tourists turn their heads to look at me
Then we hit the gift shop—the place where wallets go to die—
For a five-cent plastic spider that I’m forced to go and buy.
(Bridge)
The giraffe is tall and silent, watching us with judgey eyes
As my son licks a window where a giant beetle dies
The meerkats are all standing up, they’re looking quite concerned
Like they’re watching a lesson in parenting that I haven't learned.
(Chorus)
Oh, the monkeys are swinging, but the kids are going wilder
The rhino’s looking bored, and I wish my coffee was milder
We spent a week's salary on a balloon that’s shaped like a snake
And the toddler’s having a meltdown by the artificial lake
Yeah, the animals are caged, but let’s be honest, it’s true:
The real beasts are the ones I brought along to the zoo.
(Outro)
Load ‘em in the truck, covered in sweat and grime
We’re leaving with a stuffed sloth and a very sticky mime
They’re asleep before the exit, dreaming of the kangaroo...
While I’m googling how to get goat spit out of a shoe.
Yeah, we love the zoo.
(Can we go to the aquarium next week?)
...No.