Comedy Break 1 (Traffic Jam..)

And we're back, because apparently songs are not enough and your ears demanded a tiny buffet of chaos. First up: a word from our sponsors. Thank goodness they're fictional; otherwise this noble descent into capitalism would be fully underway.

This hour is brought to you by Brew Max Coffee — for people who enjoy being awake against their will. And by UltraMop, the only mop trusted by homes that have given up on life. Side effects may include clean floors and emotional confusion.

Weather, because the sky insists on making content. Tonight: cloudy with a 70% chance of "why did I wear this." Tomorrow: bright in the morning, then a surprise personality shift into wind and mild regret. Temperature hovering around "acceptable if you don't ask too many questions." Umbrella? Yes. Confidence? No.

And in world news: leaders met today to discuss the usual — peace, power, and the eternal struggle of adults pretending they're in control. Markets are twitchy, diplomats are smiling through their teeth, and somewhere, a committee approved another meeting to discuss a meeting. Progress.

Meanwhile, over by the highway, reports say there's a fender bender causing a slow crawl, which is traffic-speak for "three people made one bad decision and now the entire city is paying for it." Emergency crews are on scene, along with one guy in a pickup who has already stopped to stare like he's receiving important visions.

Alternate routes are available, though "alternate" may be generous. Detours are currently operating on the ancient principle of "good luck, figure it out."

If you're not in a car, enjoy the smug feeling while it lasts. And if you are in a car, remember: merge with confidence, signal like you mean it, and never trust a lane that looks too empty. That's how they get you.

Traffic: still awful, still somehow the same story every day. More music in a second.