The Chronicle of Stumpy

[Chorus] My dick took a snip, now they call me Stumpy

Yeah, life threw a curve, and it landed right on me

Laugh it off at brunch, when the barista asks, "How come you walk so funky?"

My dick took a snip, now they call me Stumpy

[Post-Chorus] Oh oh, stumpy, stumpy

Hey hey, stumpy, stumpy

[Verse 2] Tried to use the urinal, got splash on my shoe

Tales of my tragedy somehow always feel brand new

My Tinder bio now just says, "Surprise! I'm reduced, but still true"

But look on the bright side—less chance of a goo

[Pre-Chorus] Guess you could say I'm a changed man

But hey, I'm still waving my tiny parade hand

[Chorus] My dick took a snip, now they call me Stumpy

Yeah, life's a weird party, but I'm still jumping

Crack a joke, take a shot, sing along, get grumpy

My dick took a snip, now they call me Stumpy

[Post-Chorus] Oh oh, stumpy, stumpy

Yeah yeah, stumpy, stumpy

[Bridge] I bought smaller jeans, got new boxers too

Told my doctor thanks, now my shorts fit like new

And though the fellas tease, call me "Half-pint" and "Stub Sam"

I'm still rocking on, swinging what I am

[Chorus] My dick took a snip, now they call me Stumpy

But I’ve got my friends, and they all still love me

Make ‘em laugh with my tale, even when the sun’s slumpy

My dick took a snip, now they call me Stumpy

[Post-Chorus] Oh oh, stumpy, stumpy

Hey hey, stumpy, stumpy

[Outro] Got a nickname for life, and a story to tell

Even with my new specs, I wear them well

If you see me laughing, it’s just my way

Turning a close call into a holiday

So here’s to mishaps, and rolling with fate

Sometimes the small things, they turn out great

So raise up your glass, and join in the chant

I’ll keep on living, though I’m missing a plant

[Post-Chorus] Oh oh, stumpy, stumpy

Yeah yeah, stumpy, stumpy

Oh oh, stumpy, stumpy

One last time, stumpy, stumpy