Thousands of Cracks

Still Standing

I was born beneath a roof where every prayer knew my name,

A Christian home that taught me right, to never bow to shame.

By grade one I knew the Scriptures better than the older boys,

But by grade three the silence stole a little broken boy.

I searched the dark for answers,

Turned my back on heaven's light.

Called myself an atheist,

Just to make it through the night.

Pre-Chorus

Still somehow...

Grace kept finding me.

I'm still standing...

Though my soul is on its knees.

Still smiling...

While a hurricane lives in me.

I'm the man they think is whole,

With a thousand cracks they never see.

I'm still standing...

Even when there's nothing left of me.

Then I walked with shadows,

Searching power in the occult's flame.

By nine I learned to smoke and drink,

Trying to forget my name.

Weed and stronger poisons,

Just to quiet every scream.

Trying to kill the monster

That was living in my dreams.

At fifteen, someone stole

What no one can give back.

That day something inside me died,

And my whole world faded black.

At sixteen I became a father...

Before I knew how to be a man.

The court took away my little boy,

Before I could hold his hand.

I'm still standing...

Though my heart has turned to stone.

Still laughing...

While I break when I'm alone.

Every scar still whispers,

"You were never enough."

But I'm still standing...

Even when standing is rough.

Twenty-seven brought two graves...

My child... my mother... gone.

Everyone expected tears,

But mine had died too long.

Then once again the Lord found me,

When I was too tired to run.

Yet even now I wake each day

Feeling colder than the sun.

Now I wear this borrowed face,

Soft-spoken, kind and calm.

A chameleon for everyone,

Pretending that I'm strong.

The mask is slowly breaking,

The cracks are growing wide.

No one sees the war I fight,

Or the beast I keep inside.

I've stood for friends who never called.

I've stood for family who never saw me fall.

I've stood for the woman I love,

Even though she only calls me brother.

I've carried everyone's burdens.

I've worked until my hands were numb.

Giving them the life they deserve...

Wondering if love would ever come.

I'm the black sheep...

The forgotten one.

The quiet man...

Who keeps getting up.

Because that's what I was taught.

A strong man stands for himself...

A stronger man...

Stands for everyone else.

I'm still standing...

Not because I never broke.

I'm still breathing...

Though I've nearly lost all hope.

Every bruise, every scar,

Every ghost still knows my name.

But they don't get the final word.

I'm still standing.

Broken...

Bruised...

Unwanted...

Searching...

Praying...

Still standing.

And maybe...

Just maybe...

The man beneath the mask deserves to live... After all.