Limp Randy's Revenge

Intro

Will the last patient

Will the real last patient

Uh

Limp Randy

Please proceed to the doctor’s office

You are officially the last guy in here

I repeat

The LAST guy in here

Verse 1

Walk in the clinic

Like I own the place

Sick as a dog

Grin on my face

Receptionist stare like boy what’s wrong

I said just a cough but it’s been too long

Sniffle

Hack

Little throat tickle

Sound like a broken-down popsicle

Doc said son it ain’t that deep

Gave me syrup that’ll knock me to sleep

Children’s dose

You gotta be kiddin

Label got a cartoon bear just grinnin

Bubblegum pink with a plastic spoon

Now I’m floatin like a helium balloon

Chorus

Will the real last patient please stand up

Got cough syrup drippin in a sippy cup

I’m the only one left in the waiting room

Bout to turn this clinic into a cartoon

Yeah I’m Limp Randy that’s my brand see

Took one swig now I can’t feel gravity

I can't feel gravity

I can't feel gravity

Verse 2

Time to drive

Nah

Time to pass it

Head to the zoo with a syrup-filled basket

Eyes half closed

Feeling brave

Wave at the lions like behave

Hang around monkeys

Banana in hand

Teasin ’em slow like I got a plan

Hey lil’ monkey

Want this treat

Pull it back like nah you can’t compete

Security guard yellin sir don’t tease

I’m gigglin hard like I got a disease

Cough syrup courage

Unstoppable

Brain cells gone

Irrecoverable

Chorus

Will the real last patient please stand up

Got cough syrup drippin in a sippy cup

I’m the only one left in the waiting room

Bout to turn this clinic into a cartoon

Yeah I’m Limp Randy that’s my brand see

Took one swig now I can’t feel gravity

I can't feel gravity

I can't feel gravity

Verse 3

Next stop

Aquarium glass

Tap-tap-tap like I’m cuttin’ class

Fish look mad

Shark swim quick

I said relax I’m just feelin’ sick

Staff said sir I wouldn’t do that

I said I’m a pro where the fish at

Knockin on tanks like I’m sellin cookies

Shark lookin at me like man this rookie

Slip on the floor

Near the jellyfish tank

Blame it on syrup

That’s what I drank

Cough still there

Brain on Mars

Tryna high-five seals behind the bars

Verse 4

Bowling alley

Feelin ten feet tall

Buzzin off that children’s Tylenol

Rental shoes tight

Shirt two sizes small

Name on the screen says Limp Rall

Roll the ball slow

Gutter every frame

Kids in the lane like man that’s lame

Some dude yells out

Hey you suck Limp Randy

I cough real loud like it’s all dandy

Yeah you’ll see

I’ll be back

Trip over the ball return rack

Strike by accident

Not a chance

I blame the floor for my awkward stance

Bridge

Storm out mad

Syrup pride

Plotting revenge in the parking lot outside

Brain say chill

Ego say no

So I rent construction gear

Let’s go

Let’s go

Let’s go

Chorus

Will the real last patient please stand up

Got cough syrup drippin in a sippy cup

I’m the only one left in the waiting room

Bout to turn this clinic into a cartoon

Yeah I’m Limp Randy that’s my brand see

Took one swig now I can’t feel gravity

I can't feel gravity

I can't feel gravity

Verse 5

Pull up slow

Hard hat on

Crane truck hummin to a victory song

Operator like sir

What’s your plan

I said league night watch me man

Lower that ball

Steel and mean

Swing it back like a wreckin machine

Crash through lanes one

Two

Three

Strike I yell

Technically

Pins fly up

Confetti rain

Manager faintin from the pain

Crowd goes silent

Shoes squeak

I cough once more

Still feelin weak

Security shoutin call the cops

I’m celebratin like it never stops

You said I suck

Who sucks now

Then the crane tips over somehow

Outro

Will Limp Randy please return to the clinic

Your cough is still untreated

And you owe for the wrecking ball

He's banned

He's banned

He's banned from every public land

Limp Randy

Last in line

One brain cell workin overtime

One brain cell

One brain cell

Workin overtime

Epilogue – Hospital PA, robotic

Attention, Limp Randy

Still on the run, unmedicated and handy

He’s gone viral on security cam

Fame so cold, he got “DO NOT ENTER” stamps

Verse 6 – Hall of Shame

Wake up famous, check the news

Clips of me eatin’ syrup on my Crocs and shoes

Receptionist meme, manager’s glare

Now my mugshot’s everywhere

Posters taped at the pharmacy door

Doctor’s office don’t want me no more

Kids dress up as me every Halloween

Cartoon cough drop on the plasma screen

Chorus – The Legend of Limp Randy

Will the real last patient own his fate?

Turn a cough and chaos into clickbait

From waiting room to outta control

I caught the flu and I lost my soul

Outro – Hospital PA Stutter fades

Limp Randy… Limp Randy… last patient... out

Please recover at home… before the world finds out

Cough fades, doors slam, silence in the hall

One sick legend, banned from it all