Paddle of Destiny

Verse 1

Cubicle walls are closing in

Stapler jammed again

Quarterly reports

Plastic shorts

Boss is screaming loud

High above a cloud

Floor begins to shake

The crust starts to bake

Chorus

Satan wants a match

The ultimate catch

Serve for your soul

Get under control

The paddle is wood

You gotta be good

The king of the pit

Watching you hit

Watching you hit

Post-Chorus

Oh oh oh

P-P-Ping Pong

Oh oh oh

World is on the line

Verse 2

I grabbed my lunchbox tight

Prepare for the fight

Molten table of flame

Worst kind of game

Devil wears red

Visions of dread

I wipe off my brow

It is happening now

Chorus

Satan wants a match

The ultimate catch

Serve for your soul

Get under control

The paddle is wood

You gotta be good

The king of the pit

Watching you hit

Watching you hit

Post-Chorus

Oh oh oh

P-P-Ping Pong

Oh oh oh

World is on the line

Bridge

He serves a fireball screamer

Backhand smash

Top-spin lunger

Lethal crash

I dive

I drive

I slice

I sacrifice

He lobs it high

It grazes the sky

Downward spike

Super strike

The rubber is burning

The tables are turning

point

spoken

Alright you baboons ass, come and get it!

I’m sending you straight back to your fiery basement

With my ultimate paddle of destiny!

Satans met his match

The ultimate catch

Serve for your soul

Get under control

The paddle is wood

You gotta be good

The king of the pit

He's losing his shit

He's losing his shit

Yeah you're in big trouble now

Take this beast

Spoken Outro

Did you see that

The horned guy just bailed

Ran off crying like a little kid

Because I have the backhand of a champion

The spreadsheet savior has risen

Go grab some napkins and clean up the scorched earth

I’m taking an early lunch

Double pepperoni

Paid for by the dark lord himself

Yeah

I'm a god now

A ping-pong god

Don't look me in the eye

Unless you want to be served

Total domination

Next tournament starts at two

Don't be late

YEAH