Lube Your Local Liberal

Intro

Heard some ruckus out front, peeked through the blinds

My neighbor texted, "Dude, Karen’s on her grind"

Boots on the porch, and she’s comin’ for my flag

Why do they always protest right before my shag?

Verse 0

Dog starts barkin’, my beer spills on the stove

She’s halfway down the street, got a sign that says "Woke"

Grab the popcorn—hell, this’ll be a show

Slid my shades on, cracked a window slow

Verse 1

Karen’s on my front lawn, mad as all hell

Pointin’ at my rebel flag, threatenin’ to call Mel

Talkin’ ‘bout oppression, tryin’ to make a scene

Snapchat out, she’s recordin’ her own TMZ

Pre-Chorus

She’s got a megaphone, shriekin’ at my truck

Guess she missed the memo, I don’t give a—

Chorus

Lube up your local liberal, when they start to cry

Every time you say a word, someone’s feelings wanna die

Pass me the Crisco, let's go, don’t ask why

They’re slicker than a filibuster, tears in their pumpkin pie

Post-Chorus

Cryin', slidin', whinin' all night

Oh oh oh, hand ‘em a tissue, it’s a helluva sight

Verse 2

I wore a red hat, now Karen’s on the floor

Shoutin’ for a safe space, lockin’ every door

Heard a bad joke, she says it’s a hate crime

Cancel me on Twitter, hell — it’s about time

Pre-Chorus

Butter them up, can’t forget the salt

Trigger warning’s on me, now that’s your own damn fault

Chorus

Lube up your local liberal, when they start to cry

Every time you say a word, someone’s feelings wanna die

Pass me the Crisco, let's go, don’t ask why

They’re slicker than a filibuster, tears in their pumpkin pie

Post-Chorus

Cryin', slidin', whinin' all night

Oh oh oh, hand ‘em a tissue, it’s a helluva sight

Verse 3

Now Karen’s got a picket sign, marchin’ in the rain

Mad about my bumper sticker, screamin’ at my name

Chantin’ her agenda, blockin’ up the drive

Yellin’ ‘til the HOA threatens my life

Pre-Chorus

Salt on the sidewalk, pepper on my tongue

Karen's filing ten complaints before the morning's done

Chorus

Lube up your local liberal, when they start to cry

Every time you say a word, someone’s feelings wanna die

Pass me the Crisco, let's go, don’t ask why

They’re slicker than a filibuster, tears in their pumpkin pie

Post-Chorus

Cryin', slidin', whinin' all night

Oh oh oh, hand ‘em a tissue, it’s a helluva sight

Outro

Last call for outrage, Karen’s in the street

Yellin’ at my mailbox, can’t admit defeat

Turn up that six-string, drown her sorry plea

Tomorrow she’ll be back, but tonight, the joke’s on me