All I Want For Christmas Is Proof

'Tis the season for a reason

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-LIES!

Santa's checking all the receipts

And Stan's got another surprise!

Stan hung his stockings beside the bunker door

Santa brought him breadcrumbs and a prophecy of war

He asked for the storm, but got a candy cane

Now he's waiting till Christmas for the hammer again!

All I want for Christmas is proof!

Not another classified spoof!

No more riddles, no secret clues

No more prophets selling yesterday's news!

All I want for Christmas is proof!

Something real, something true!

Wrap it up with a ribbon of truth

All I want for Christmas is PROOF!

Deck the halls with secret briefings

Fa-la-la-la-la, TWO MORE WEEKS!

Santa's bringing classified meetings

And a stocking full of Q-leaks!

Stan's been waiting ten whole seasons

Fa-la-la-la-la, SURPRISE, SURPRISE!

Every Christmas brings new reasons

For another thousand alibis!

'Tis the season for a reason

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-LIES!

Stan's been waiting ten whole seasons

Fa-la-la-la-la, SURPRISE, SURPRISE!

The hammer's lost, the storm's delayed

Santa checked the claims they made

He shook his head and said, "My friend..."

"Maybe try some facts again!"

All I want for Christmas is proof!

Not another classified spoof!

No more riddles, no secret clues

No more prophets selling yesterday's news!

All I want for Christmas is proof!

Something real, something true!

Wrap it up with a ribbon of truth

All I want for Christmas is PROOF!

Two more weeks...

Two more weeks...

Santa, where's the proof?