No Rinse, No Regrets

Intro

Check the mic—one-two

This for the real machmir crew

Yeah

Chorus

This is frum machmir straight yeshivish flame

I don't wash nothin' less a gadol says the same

You got your kulos I got my yiras Shomayim

One leaf one bug one shaila—that's my program

You eat your salad I eat my fear

I keep it machmir year after year

Verse 1

Yo you wash your lettuce? You call that a mitzvah?

I got three shailos just to check my siddur's diva

You're rinsin' romaine like it's no big deal

I'm inspectin' every leaf like it's a federal appeal

Borer? Netilas? You don't even know

The difference between a bug and a speck—that's the show

You think water's free? You think dirt's just dirt?

One live aphid on Shabbos and your soul gets hurt

Chorus

This is frum machmir straight yeshivish flame

I don't wash nothin' less a gadol says the same

You got your kulos I got my yiras Shomayim

One leaf one bug one shaila—that's my program

You eat your salad I eat my fear

I keep it machmir year after year

Verse 2

You say Rav Moshe said it's fine to rinse

I say that heter's for amei ha'aretz—makes no sense

You think a quick rinse is just prep for the seudah?

I think you're mekaleil Shabbos like a total boor duh

Every drop of water's a din every leaf's a test

I got a flashlight a loupe and a whole lot of tz'ni'us for my chest

You're eatin' worms probably you don't even know

I found three chazakas just from yesterday's snow

Chorus

This is frum machmir straight yeshivish flame

I don't wash nothin' less a gadol says the same

You got your kulos I got my yiras Shomayim

One leaf one bug one shaila—that's my program

You eat your salad I eat my fear

I keep it machmir year after year

Bridge

You call it normal I call it mevatel issur

You're lenient like the Reform—you make me wanna murmur

The Chazon Ish said don't wash that's my psak

I don't need your Modern Orthodox chazak

You're holdin' a colander I'm holdin' a sefer

You're eatin' treif bugs I'm keepin' it safer

Verse 3

So keep your lettuce keep your heterim loose

I'll eat dry kugel and call it a goose

No wait that's not food—but the point stands clear

I'd rather starve on Shabbos than eat with no fear

You call it obsessive I call it emes

I'm a machmir-nik—now deal with this nemes

No washin' no kiddin' no bugs on my plate

I'll take my Shabbos strict—you do you mate