So Larry's dressing up as a mall Santa, and he looks kind off wasted

Verse 1

Larry lurches through the staff room, stinks of rum and old cigars

Swears at plastic reindeer, kicks the vending jar

Someone shouts "You're Santa now, put the trousers on!"

He growls "They smell of sick and sick—get this thing gone!"

Chorus

Mall manager's already twitching, clutching her last nerve

Larry trips on tinsel, drops his beer and slurs

Swaps his boots for slippers, stains his suit with fries

Merry Christmas everybody, Larry’s here to traumatize

Chorus

Well tonight old Larry's Santa, ain't he looking rough

Red suit reeking whisky, beard a tangle of fluff

All the kids are shrieking, their moms are screaming shut your gob

Merry Christmas everybody, come and watch this drunken slob

Verse 2

See him wobbling down the mall, boots full of puke and smoke

Cursing as he trips and falls, crushing little folk

Yelling at the elves, flipping off a child

Tinsel stuck upon his arse, sleigh lost in the wild

Pre-Chorus

Mall cops look away, they just can’t be arsed

Santa Larry’s breathing hard, hope he don’t fart

Chorus

Oh, Larry’s ho ho hoing, spitting rum all on the kids

Pulls his sack wide open, yells "who wants some smelly gifts?"

Security’s approaching, but he’s flashing both his cheeks

Merry Christmas everybody, Larry’s Santa for two weeks!

Verse 3

Larry's snoring on the throne, gravy stains down his vest

Stubble full of candy canes, red cheeks looking possessed

Swigging from a hip flask, muttering about the Queen

Every parent calls him names too foul for a TV screen

Pre-Chorus

Kids won’t sit near him, think he smells like old fish

Sweaty suit still sagging, and he’s wagging his—

Chorus

Here’s Santa Larry pissed up, boots up on the fake snow scene

Dropped his beard in ketchup, gives the elves a mouthful mean

Photos with your children? If you dare, just pay the fee

Merry Christmas everybody, Larry’s banned till New Year’s Eve

Verse 4

Larry's staggering to the food court, finger stuck up his nose

Burping out Jingle Bells, ketchup on his toes

Chased by a furious granny, swinging her big purse

Screaming "You filthy sod, hope you get much worse"

Chorus

Now Larry’s stuck in handcuffs, pants down by his knees

Mall cops drag him groaning, shouting something obscene

Kids all point and laugh, parents just let out a sigh

Merry Christmas everybody, that’s Santa Larry’s goodbye

Verse 5

Few weeks later, mall posters say “NO LARRYS ALLOWED”

His sack got confiscated, and his hat won't be found

Larry’s face is plastered on a “Santa’s Banned” sign

But rumor is he’s sleeping in the dumpster behind

Chorus

So if you hear some yelling, by the neon plastic tree

It’s just Larry swearing loudly, chucking mince pies at the geese

All the kiddos snicker, mums just roll their eyes

Merry Christmas everybody, now Santa Larry’s outside

Verse 6

Come December twenty-sixth, Larry’s lurking out the back

Clutching soggy turkey, flipping birds at every brat

Shop staff see him hiding, try to hose him out the bin

Larry roars “bugger off!” with gravy dribbling down his chin

Chorus

You’ll hear him in the car park, p*ssed and yelling with a cheer

Chucking empty cans at Santas, shouting “see you f***ers next year!”

Stockings full of rubbish, sleigh’s a busted shopping cart

Merry Christmas everybody, Larry’s mastered his fine art