Stinky the Snowman

Intro

On a filthy old corner, by the gutter and street

We built a snowman from the nastiest heap

A steaming pile, not white — oh, hell no

Frosty’s a joke compared to this brown show

Verse 1

He stank like hell from the very first snow

Little Tim puked right into the road

We gave him a carrot and two bits of coal

But just about hurled when we dug for his soul

Pre-Chorus

That’s not a snowman, that’s a public offense

Kids yelled, “Hey Ma! Keep the doors all fenced!”

Chunky and rude, with a smirk on his face

If you stood too near, you lost your lunch (and your grace)

Chorus

Stinky the snowman, steaming up the snowbank

Made of shit, my God he stank

We could smell him coming, every child ran

Plug your nose, here comes that foul-ass snowman

Verse 2

Someone put a beanie right on his lumpy crown

He started cussing, made old Mrs. Brown frown

"What the hell you looking at?" he bellowed with a grin

Kids ran home yelling, "Ma, don't let him in!"

Bridge

All the dogs howled, and the air turned thick

Rats packed their bags, man, that smell was sick

His coal eyes glared, that’s no jolly sight

If you step too close, your shoes ain’t coming back white

Chorus

Stinky the snowman, the foulest in town

Not a frosty jingle, but laughter all around

Hold your breath, friends, let’s keep away

From the shittiest snowman ever made Christmas Day

Verse 3

Miss Agnes fainted when he strolled through her yard

Neighbors gagged, and old Tom swore twice as hard

Last week it snowed, but the world turned brown

Stinky tracked his stink all over town

Outro

So every Christmas when the wind starts to shift

You’ll know Stinky’s coming by that terrible whiff

May your stockings be safe, your tree left alone

But beware of that snowman who smells like a throne

Verse 4

Down by the schoolyard, the teachers all gagged

Principal cursed, and the gym socks sagged

Stinky waved his twiggy arms with a fart-filled cheer

"You think snow is clean? Well, I'm king around here!"

Ending

Now the legend lives on, and the stories just grow

About the reeking snowman from long ago

So if you see brown snow piled up high

Just run for cover, don't ask why

Final Verse

Down by the market, folks ducked and fled

Clothespins on noses, wishing he’d drop dead

Stinky tipped his hat, left a brown handprint

Kids screamed, "He’s stinking up our goddamn mint!"

Finale

So here’s to the holiday, hold your noses tight

Pray ol’ Stinky don’t show up tonight

Santa delivers gifts, but Stinky brings dread

With a stench so foul, it’ll knock you dead