Lyrics
Verse 1
Little girl's got the mandolin hum
Spinning on the rug in her diaper and socks
My baby is dancing
Oh yeah my baby is dancing
She wobbles to the left then she wobbles to the right
Grinnin' like a possum in a porch light
Pre-Chorus
Then her face goes still
Her little knees go stiff
Something's comin' down the line
And it ain't no lullaby
Chorus
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
She's got that squinty look
That squinty look
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Post-Chorus
Uh-oh uh-oh
Uh-oh uh-oh
Squinty squinty
Uh-oh
Verse 2
I was two steps from the changing pad
Reachin' for a wipe and a clean white rag
She did a little twirl
Then a little squat
Blew a trumpet solo
Right on the spot
Pre-Chorus
Mama hollered from the kitchen
Baby what you doin' in there
I said nothin' honey nothin'
Just a little hot air
Chorus
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
She's got that squinty look
That squinty look
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Post-Chorus
Uh-oh uh-oh
Uh-oh uh-oh
Squinty squinty
Uh-oh
Bridge
I been through tornadoes and tax day
I been through bosses and bad brakes
Nothin' on this green earth
Frightens me the way
One small purple face
Turnin' red
Turnin' red
Breakdown
(Baby talk)
Goo goo
(Baby talk)
Ga ga
(Oh yeah)
My baby is dancing
(Oh no)
My baby is dancing
(Here it comes)
Chorus
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
She's got that squinty look
That squinty look
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Post-Chorus
Uh-oh uh-oh
Uh-oh uh-oh
Squinty squinty
Uh-oh
Verse 3
Now the dog has left the building
And the cat has left the state
My baby is dancing
Oh yeah my baby is dancing
Grandma's holdin' her nose
Sayin' Lord have mercy
Lord have mercy on this house
Chorus
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
She's got that squinty look
That squinty look
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Post-Chorus
Uh-oh uh-oh
Uh-oh uh-oh
Squinty squinty
Uh-oh
Verse 4
Well the fire department showed up at the door
Sayin' ma'am we got a call from the second floor
I said boys you're gonna need a bigger hose
There's a situation in them tiny clothes
My baby is dancing
Oh yeah my baby is dancing
She's got a smirk on her face
Like she just won the human race
Pre-Chorus
And the whole cul-de-sac
Has come out to watch
Somebody's holdin' up a sign
That says Lord please make it stop
Chorus
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
She's got that squinty look
That squinty look
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Post-Chorus
Uh-oh uh-oh
Uh-oh uh-oh
Squinty squinty
Uh-oh
Guitar Solo
Verse 5
The preacher came by with a Bible and a fan
Said I've baptized grown men in the Rio Grande
But I ain't never seen nothin' quite like that
Little lady what you feedin' this child
My baby is dancing
Oh yeah my baby is dancing
She's two foot tall and one foot wide
And she's got the devil in her hide
Pre-Chorus
Uncle Ray fell off the porch
Aunt May went blind
Cousin Jimmy's on the phone
Sayin' turn on channel nine
Chorus
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
She's got that squinty look
That squinty look
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Post-Chorus
Uh-oh uh-oh
Uh-oh uh-oh
Squinty squinty
Uh-oh
Breakdown
(Baby talk)
Ba ba
(Baby talk)
Da da
(Oh yeah)
My baby is dancing
(Oh no)
My baby is dancing
(Too late)
Bridge
I've been struck by lightning twice
I've been married three times
I've been audited by the IRS
And sued by a guy named Slim
But nothin' on this earth
Prepares a man for the sound
Of a tiny little grunt
And a room you can't go back in
Verse 6
Now they're talkin' 'bout a monument downtown
Bronze statue of a baby sittin' down
Tourists comin' from all around
Just to stand where the legend went down
My baby is dancing
Oh yeah my baby is dancing
They put a plaque on the floor
That says don't step here no more
Pre-Chorus
And the EPA
Wants a sample of the air
The National Guard
Is holdin' back their hair
Chorus
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
She's got that squinty look
That squinty look
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Post-Chorus
Uh-oh uh-oh
Uh-oh uh-oh
Squinty squinty
Uh-oh
Verse 7
Twenty years from now she'll be walkin' down the aisle
Some poor boy with a nervous smile
And I'll lean over to his daddy and say
Son you think you've seen the worst of her today
My baby is dancing
Oh yeah my baby is dancing
I'll hand him a diaper and a prayer
And a bucket and a spare
Pre-Chorus
'Cause the squint don't die
It just changes shape
You'll learn that when
You're old and gray
Chorus
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
She's got that squinty look
That squinty look
Oh no my baby's gonna take a crap
Post-Chorus
Uh-oh uh-oh
Uh-oh uh-oh
Squinty squinty
Uh-oh
Outro
My baby is dancing
Oh yeah my baby is dancing
My baby is dancing
Oh no
Oh no
Oh no
(Squinty look)
Oh no
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