Vicious Kitty

Verse 1

I adopted a stray that was smaller than a shoe

Now he's seventy pounds and I don't know what to do

He skipped the milk and cookies and went straight for raw meat

He's an orange-striped speed-bump blocking up the whole street

He does 90 miles an hour off the kitchen counter shelf

He's the size of a tiger, I'm afraid for myself

He treats my nice curtains like a ninja climbing wall

And he uses my red beard as a tetherball

I tried to buy him catnip just to make the tension cease

But he snorted the whole bag and assaulted the police.

Chorus

Oh, Looney's a Vicious Kitty, a giant furry thug

He'll frame you for a murder while you're trying to give a hug

He's a psycho with a purr, he's an ankle-seeking missile

He will bite you so hard that your bones begin to whistle

Yeah, he's a Vicious Kitty, a gangster in disguise

With the spirit of a tiger in a mega-mammoth size.

Verse 2

To put food in his bowl I have to use a giant broom

I slide it through the crack while I tremble in the room

He slept inside the oven just to keep his temper hot

He threw my expensive watch in the coffee-maker pot

He looks like a lion and he fights like a bear

He ripped out the red whiskers that I grew with loving care

He holds the local raccoon for a ransom every night

And he looks at the vacuum like he's begging for a fight

But right when I am ready to call Animal Control

He walks up real sweet-like to manipulate my soul.

Chorus

Oh, Looney's a Vicious Kitty, a giant furry thug

He'll frame you for a murder while you're trying to give a hug

He's a psycho with a purr, he's an ankle-seeking missile

He will bite you so hard that your bones begin to whistle

Yeah, he's a Vicious Kitty, a gangster in disguise

With the spirit of a tiger in a mega-mammoth size.

Bridge

He curls up on my lap like a peaceful little saint

Then he swats my red beard till I'm dizzy and I faint

He licks my left eyebrow with a sandpaper tongue

Then he acts like a grenade with the pin already swung

He loves me like crazy 'til my foot begins to twitch

Then he locks on my chin like an evil little witch!

Outro

Yeah, he's running a mob from his jumbo litter box

He's stealing all my credit cards and hiding all my socks

I'm a hostage in my house and I'm living in fear

But he's snoring on my shoulder so I gotta keep him here

Looney, you tiger, please don't eat my toes!

Or shred my red beard anymore under my nose!