Victim of the Vibes

**[Intro – Spoken, increasingly frantic]**

Okay, but why did you say it like that?

What did you mean by that?

No, don't explain.

I've already decided I'm upset.

**[Verse 1]**

Woke up angry, checked my phone

Nobody's wronging me, I'm all alone

No scandal brewing, no public disgrace

Just a perfectly ordinary day in my face

The weather's sunny—must be privilege

That cloud looks smug, I find it offensive

My coffee's hot, but not inclusive

And this entire breakfast feels abusive

**[Pre-Chorus]**

I need a villain, I need a cause

I need a reason to clutch my pearls

Give me a target, give me a flaw

I need to be outraged at the world!

**[Chorus]**

I NEED SOMETHING TO BE OFFENDED BY!

Give me a reason, give me a lie!

I need a scandal, a crime, a slight

I need to be furious every night!

I'm not happy unless I'm mad

Find me a problem I never had

Give me a platform, give me a fight

I NEED SOMETHING TO BE OFFENDED BY!

**[Verse 2]**

Someone used an exclamation mark

That's aggressive. That's a little dark.

They said "Have a nice day"—how dare they?

Was that sarcasm? I can hear it in the air!

A children's cartoon has the wrong shade of blue

I don't know why, but I'm offended too

Someone somewhere enjoyed a thing

And now I need an apology!

**[Pre-Chorus 2]**

I need a hashtag, I need a thread

I need a stranger to disagree

I need a headline I haven't read

To ruin my afternoon for me!

**[Chorus]**

I NEED SOMETHING TO BE OFFENDED BY!

Give me a reason, give me a lie!

I need a scandal, a crime, a slight

I need to be furious every night!

I'm not happy unless I'm mad

Find me a problem I never had

Give me a platform, give me a fight

I NEED SOMETHING TO BE OFFENDED BY!

**[Bridge – Half-time, theatrical breakdown]**

Oh, you like that song?

Well, I don't like the way you like it.

You bought that shirt?

I don't like the way you tried it.

You took a breath?

That's taking up the atmosphere.

You didn't offend me?

Well, THAT'S WHY I'M OFFENDED HERE!

**[Breakdown – Aggressive, shouted vocals]**

NOT ENOUGH!

NOT OUTRAGED!

NOT ENOUGH!

I NEED A NEW PAGE!

WHO'S TO BLAME?

WHO'S THE PROBLEM?

I'M NOT HAPPY

TILL I'VE GOT ONE!

MAKE ME MAD!

MAKE ME CRY!

GIVE ME SOMETHING!

GIVE ME SOMETHING!

**[Final Chorus – Huge, manic, layered vocals]**

I NEED SOMETHING TO BE OFFENDED BY!

I need a reason, I need to cry!

I need a monster, a crime, a slight

I need to start another fight!

I'm not happy unless I'm mad

Everything's awful, everything's bad

There's no injustice? Well, that's not right!

I NEED SOMETHING TO BE OFFENDED BY!

**[Outro – Spoken, suddenly calm]**

Wait.

Did you just enjoy this song?

...Unbelievable.