No Thanks, Satan

Verse 1

Woke up this morning brushed my teeth with holy paste

Satan slid out the toothpaste tube wearing a tiny waistcoat

Hey man skip the quiet time let's doom-scroll till noon

I looked him dead in his red eyes and said No thanks Satan

At the drive-thru he hopped in the passenger seat

Offered me free fries if I'd just skip saying grace

He dangled the ketchup like it was forbidden fruit

I rolled the window down and yelled No thanks Satan

Chorus

No thanks Satan

No thanks Satan

You can keep your shiny offers and your discount damnation

I'm walking straight I'm staying pure

You can tempt me in the Walmart but I'm walking out the door

No thanks Satan

Verse 2

In the church bathroom he appeared above the stall

Just one little peek at that spicy group chat that's all

He floated there in a cloud of sulfur and Axe body spray

I flushed twice and answered No thanks Satan

At the gym he spotted me mid-squat

Whispered skip leg day let's go flex on the 'Gram instead

He offered protein shakes mixed with pure liquid pride

I dropped the weights and muttered No thanks Satan

Chorus

No thanks Satan

No thanks Satan

You can keep your shiny offers and your discount damnation

I'm walking straight I'm staying pure

You can tempt me in the Walmart but I'm walking out the door

No thanks Satan

Bridge

He showed up in my dreams as a talking cinnamon roll

Just one bite and you'll never feel lonely again

He appeared in the cereal aisle shaped like a limited-edition spoon

Every single time the answer stayed the same

Final Chorus

No thanks Satan

No thanks Satan

You can keep your shiny offers and your discount damnation

I'm walking straight I'm staying pure

You can tempt me in the shower in the car at the shore

No thanks Satan

No thanks Satan

Outro

Now go find somebody else

I'm late for Bible study