The Bessemer Converter

Verse

Lord Featherstone is riding on a motorized baboon

He’s trying to play Beethoven on a cellophane balloon

The Mayor is in the trousers that he borrowed from a horse

And he’s eating spotted dick upon the local golfin' course

Chorus

So thump the tub and tickle the sub-inspector on the knee

There’s a Spaniard in the rhubarb and a penguin in my tea

If the sky falls down tomorrow, we will catch it in a hat

And sell it to the vicar for a sixpence and a sprat

Verse

I bought a little bungalow and filled it up with cheese

To try and cure a terribly persistent social sneeze

The local Constable arrived and said, “Now see here, mate,

You cannot park a haddock on a Tuesday after eight!”

I looked him in the monocle and gently kissed his nose,

And hit him with a cabbage where the water lily grows

Drop

Right. Stop that. Stop it. It’s silly. You’re alarming the pelicans,

and frankly, the harmonica playing is entirely contrary to the Ministry of Agriculture’s guidelines on Public Wheezing.

Now, I want a sensible song about... industrial steel production.

Proceed.

Intro

Verse

Let us sing of the marvel of industrial steel

With a sensible, tangible, factory feel

We extract the hematite out of the ground,

And transport it by rail at a penny a pound

Chorus - Stomping and resolute

Oh! Heave ho! The Bessemer Converter

Oxidize the metal, but try not to hurt her

Carbon and silicon blown right away,

To make corrugated roof sheeting today

Etc.