Comedy Steak 1

Welcome back to "The Morning Show with Derek." Our line is open, and we've got Emma calling in from the civic center. Emma, you're on air!

EMMA: Derek, thank GOD—HÜÜÜ—oh no, oh no, oh NO—

HOST: Emma? What's wrong?

EMMA: I'm at the regional—HÜÜÜ—the regional singing competition RIGHT NOW and I'm literally—HÜÜÜ—I'm literally ON DECK. I'm supposed to perform in—HÜÜÜ—in FOUR MINUTES and I have—HÜÜÜ HÜÜÜ—I have the hiccups!

HOST: Oh wow. Okay, that's—

EMMA: (voice breaking) Derek, this is—HÜÜÜ—this is my shot! I've been training for YEARS and—HÜÜÜ—and I can't sing like THIS! My big moment is—HÜÜÜ HÜÜÜ—is RIGHT THERE!

HOST: Okay, okay, Emma, stay calm. First, have you tried holding your breath?

EMMA: YES! I held it for forty-five seconds—HÜÜÜ—and NOTHING! I tried ice water, I tried—HÜÜÜ—I tried having someone scare me and—HÜÜÜ—NOTHING WORKS!

HOST: Right, so... hiccups are involuntary diaphragm spasms. The thing is, they usually stop when your body is distracted by something else. Something that demands your full attention.

EMMA: Like WHAT, Derek? Like WHAT?!

HOST: Emma, come on. You're a smart girl.

EMMA: Oh my GOD. Derek. You want me to—HÜÜÜ—

HOST: I want you to stop hiccupping! That's all I want! How you do that is your thing!

EMMA: There's a restroom backstage!

HOST: Emma, wait—

EMMA: I have two minutes, Derek! Wish me luck!

Long silence.

HOST:

Long silence.

HOST: ...listeners, I want to be clear that hiccups can be caused by many things and resolved through various methods including breathing exercises and—

Phone rings

HOST: Emma?

EMMA: Derek. Oh my god. Derek, whatever that was, It WORKED. I have NO HICCUPS!

HOST: Oh thank god! Are you—are you okay?

EMMA: I'm BETTER than okay! I'm NAILING THIS! Wish me luck!