What in Tarnation?

Verse 1 - Dolly Parton

(sweet, heartfelt country ballad style)

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

Please don't take my man, he's all I've ever seen

I worked my fingers to the bone in these hills so green

Now everything's changin', Lord, it's like a fever dream

Chorus - Eminem

(rapid-fire, aggressive Slim Shady flow)

Yo, Dolly, I slid into her DMs on the 'Gram,

She got that BBL, OnlyFans, doin' the stank,

Crypto wallet full of Bit-coin, we moonwalk on the chain,

NFT of your coat of many colors sellin' for a plane!

TikTok dances in the kitchen, viral in a day,

She twerkin' to your song while she drivin' in a Tesla, babe!

I'm on the metaverse date, VR goggles on my face,

You still writin' love notes? Baby, that's pre-internet age!

Verse 2 - Dolly Parton

(sounding increasingly confused, slower and more bewildered)

Now hold on just a minute, Slim, what's a DM?

And what in the world is TikTok? Sounds like a nasty sin

I been singin' since the sixties, honey, what's this OnlyFans?

You say she twerkin'? Lord, I don't even know what that means, man!

I had rhinestones and big wigs, not whatever this BBL

My coat of many colors was sewn by hand, not for sale

You talkin' crypto and meta-verse? Child, I'm lost as can be

Back in my day we had records and radios, not this WIFI!

Chorus - Eminem

(even faster, more chaotic)

Yo, Dolly, I'm textin' her fire emojis while I'm in the cloud,

She sent me a voice note, now we FaceTimin' loud

Fortnite battle bus, we droppin' hot, got the squad movin'

You still playin' banjo? Baby, that's ancient movin'!

aey eye-generated you singin' with me on the track,

Deepfake Jolene tryna steal your man, better clap back!

She got that blue check verification, verified queen,

You got a Hollywood star? Cute — this the new regime!

Verse 3 - Dolly Parton

(genuinely flustered, country charm mixed with pure confusion)

Slim, honey, you're spinnin' my head like a washing machine

What's a deepfake? Is that like when they fake it on the silver screen?

I don't know no battle bus, no verification blue

I just know how to love a man and how to cook his stew

You rappin' 'bout the cloud like it's up there with Jesus

I'm prayin' for your soul, child, 'cause this sounds like the devil's pieces

Back in Sevierville we had front porches and sweet tea

Now you got NFTs? Lord, have mercy on me!

Final Chorus - Eminem

(blazing fast, then slows for the last lines)

Dolly confused, I'm laughin' while I'm scrollin' the feed,

She still thinkin' 8-tracks, I'm on SpaceX with the speed!

Jolene tryna slide, but I ghosted her on read,

Welcome to the future, Dolly — better get it through your head!

What in tarnation... yeah...

Outro - Dolly Parton

(soft, bewildered, fading out)

Well bless your heart, Slim... I just don't know about all that...

But I still got my man... I think. Lord, what's a ghost?