Holy Handshake

Intro - Spoken

Bob says... slack is the answer.

Bob says... buy now.

Bob says... you're already saved.

Verse 1

Woke up this morning with a pipe in my hand

Bob was in the corner drawing dollar signs in the sand

I don't got a job and I don't got a plan

SubGenius money flows like a greasy waterfall man

Pre-Chorus

Praise Bob

Praise his pipe

Praise the slack

Praise the... holy credit line

Chorus

I'm a Bob-headed freak with a wallet full of nothing

Preaching the good news of the cosmic non-caring

Sex, drugs, and dollar bills—the trinity I'm shoving

Down your throat while Bob's just sitting there staring

Post-Chorus

(Hail Bob)

(Hail Bob)

(Hail Bob)

(Charge it!)

Verse 2

Got a blonde on my left and a bottle on my right

Bob says moderation is the sin of the weak

I'm gonna slack so hard I'll disappear from sight

Felt the Holy Handshake and my knees went weak

Pre-Chorus

Praise Bob

Praise his pipe

Praise the slack

Praise the... holy credit line

Chorus

I'm a Bob-headed freak with a wallet full of nothing

Preaching the good news of the cosmic non-caring

Sex, drugs, and dollar bills—the trinity I'm shoving

Down your throat while Bob's just sitting there staring

Bridge - Spoken, Shatner-style

They tell me... this is a joke religion.

Bob says... everything is a joke.

So what's the difference?

You pay your tithe.

I pay my tithe.

You die.

I... you know what?

I probably die too.

But at least I had... a really good time.

Drop

Slack

Slack

Slack

Slack

Chorus

I'm a Bob-headed freak with a wallet full of nothing

Preaching the good news of the cosmic non-caring

Sex, drugs, and dollar bills—the trinity I'm shoving

Down your throat while Bob's just sitting there staring

Outro - Spoken fading

Bob says... buy more.

Bob says... slack harder.

Bob says... you're still not saved.

Bob says... that's fine.