Cletus Helga Steamboat Philly medley

Verse 1 - Hard Rock - "Montana"

Started the goddamn steamboat with a stolen rake

Cletus puked on the anchor, Helga chews on a snake

Nun’s got a taser, flashin’ her teeth

Crankin’ goat cheese in the bilge beneath

Bridge - Soul - "Uncle Remus"

River rats dancing, shoes tied to their ears

Captain drinks moonshine, screamin' at the piers

Helga’s brawling goats, mud all in her socks

Cletus eats the map, then tries to box

Chorus - Funk Rock - "I'm the Slime"

Green goo bubble up, Philly funk parade

Steamboat captain swearing, dealin’ lemonade

Helga sets traps for the goddamn nuns

Cletus spittin’ curses, steamboat weighs a ton

Post-Chorus - Psychedelic - "Dog Breath, in the Year of the Plague"

Plague rats on parade, steamboat’s outta time

Helga and Cletus, rolling deep in slime

Chorus - Funk Rock - "Camarillo Brillo"

Hey Cletus and Helga on a steamboat

Philly stank in the goddamn breeze

Boat's got slime on the hull, don't you know

Your tongue turns green when you sneeze

Guitar Freakout - Avant-Garde - "I'm the Slime"

Verse 2 - Country Rock - "Montana"

I'm raisin' llamas on deck, chewing grass

Steerin' with a spatula, belching out sass

Wool jammed in my boots, mud in my glass

Captain yells, "Cletus, kiss my hairy ass!"

Pre-Chorus - Blues Rock - "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow"

Slippin' on piss puddles, slip slide no show

Don’t sniff that snow, fool, learned that shit long ago

Chorus - Doo Wop - "Nanook Rubs It"

Helga’s rubbin’ bacon fat on a fish’s snout

Cletus cussin’ at the geese, boots wearing out

Post-Chorus - Psychedelic - "St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast"

Flapjack slingers in a goddamn trance

Sticky maple demons stuck to my pants

Verse 3 - Jazz Rock - "Uncle Remus"

Shove your picket fence up your ass, Uncle Remus

Got no shoes, no class, tore up my jeans

Yelling at the nuns cause my pancakes are green

Mother Superior’s got her thumb in the beans

[Bridge - Soul/Funk - "Penguin in Bondage"][Instrumental]

Verse 4 - New Wave - "Bobby Brown"

Philly pink flamingos, sex toys and hate

I got dreams as greasy as Wawa steak

Junkie on the steamboat, chewing tobacco cake

Nuns in latex screaming, “for fuck’s sake!”

Chorus - Garage Rock - "Baby Snakes"

Baby snakes crawl through Cletus’ hair

Steamboat’s tilting, no one fucking cares

Hook - Punk Rock - "Joe’s Garage"

Revolution in a breadbox, call my parole

Tuning a guitar with a three inch hole

Verse 5 - Prog Rock - "Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?"

Shit, must be Philly tap, burns me raw

Electric blue monkey, doctor’s dead in the hall

Pissing thunderbolts, screaming at the wall

Helga’s pissing laughter, she’s a real outlaw

Verse 6 - Spoken Word - "Valley Girl"

Like, ew, Cletus, you barfed on my croissant

Steamboat’s sinking, can’t afford no fucking croissant

Lisa called the Coast Guard, they’re all snobs

Dude, your beard smells like swamp-water dogs

Outro - Doo Wop/Ensemble - "Happy Together"/"Can't Afford No Shoes"

If I had shoes I’d throw ‘em in the mud

Helga lost her wallet, got drag-queens in the stud

Happy together? Not with these clowns

Cletus crashed the boat, Helga runs this

Verse 7 - Blues Rock - "In France"

Dirty beret on Helga, munchin’ garlic toast

Cletus tries mime, crowd boos the boast

Accordion explodes, goat piss in my beer

Philly-Paris steamboat, fuck we doin' here?

Bridge - Experimental - "The Mammy Nuns"

Rubber chickens flying, nun’s on a rampage

Helga swinging pancakes from a broken steel cage

Cletus lost his dentures, nibbles on his shoe

Nun choir screaming, what’s a bastard to do?

Chorus - Funk - "The Air"/"Dog Breath"

Dog breath in the kitchen, fat’s burning the air

Helga’s got a spatula jammed up somewhere

Outro - Psychedelic Soul - "Happy Together"/"Can’t Afford No Shoes"

Lost all my money on a six-legged horse

Cletus and Helga, off the goddamn course

Boat’s breakin’ up, Philly in the rearview

We’ll be footless and broke—ain’t that the fucking truth

Verse 8 - Funk Rock - "Dog Breath, in the Year of the Plague"

Cletus gagging on stew, smells like a rat’s fart

Helga’s got moldy socks stuck in her cart

Steamboat leaking, grease floating by

Some punk in a bathrobe spitting meat in my eye

Bridge - Jazz Fusion - "Joe’s Garage"

Saxophones screeching, boat’s losing steam

Crew playing poker with a dead sardine

Helga’s doing splits on a rotting plank

Cletus moonwalks straight off the bank

Verse 9 - Prog Rock - "St. Alfonzo’s Pancake Breakfast"

Sticky syrup massacre, plates in a stack

Nun with a mohawk starts a flapjack attack

Greasy-ass feathers stuck to my chin

Welcome to Sunday, let the chaos begin

Hook - Punk Rock - "Valley Girl"

Shove it, losers, Helga yells from the stern

She just lit the outhouse, now watch it burn

Cletus in circles, hollering at the geese

This steamboat’s doomed, now give me my peace

Verse 10 - Hard Rock - "Camarillo Brillo"

Steamboat’s on fire, Cletus lost his hat

Helga frying spam on a tennis racket bat

Yelling at tourists, hurling hotdogs off the bow

Some jackass plays kazoo, god help us now

Bridge - Avant-Garde - "Penguin in Bondage"

Accordion moans, a penguin’s screaming fuck

Nun tied to a mast, covered in duck

Helga throws waffles, Cletus just grins

This floating madhouse circled by fins

Chorus - Funk Rock - "The Air"

Philly funk stink rising from the deck

Cletus breakdancing, busts his neck

Helga cackles, calls the whole crew dumb

Throw her a pancake, better watch her run

Outro - Psychedelic Jazz - "Happy Together"

Boat’s gone sideways, honking like a freak

Cletus and Helga—same mess every week

Swore we’d leave Philly, but hell’s got a plan

We’re broke, half-baked, and stuck at the damn

Verse 11 - Experimental Rock - "I'm the Slime"

Philly sludge dripping from the ceiling fan

Cletus chews a lightbulb, Helga eats a bran

Nun juggling mops, boat full of crap

Steamboat’s stuck spinning, fried in a garbage trap

Chorus - Funk/Hard Rock - "Dog Breath"

Goddamn dog breath fills the galley stew

Helga’s swinging spatulas, chunking mystery goo

Cletus loses eyebrows lighting grease on the stove

This ship’s hellbound, and here we go

Bridge - Jazz/Comedy - "Penguin in Bondage"

Jazz hands flapping, penguin lost in space

Nun’s whacking pancakes in a latex embrace

Steamboat captain’s puking, shoes floating away

Crew sings off key just to ruin the day

Outro - Soul/Art Rock - "Uncle Remus"

If this damn river had a brain, we’d get off and run

Cletus got caught kissing Helga’s stunned

Boat’s run aground in a parking lot flood

You want outta Philly? Hope you brought some blood

Verse 12 - Funk/Jazz Fusion - "Joe's Garage"

Steamboat engine's busted, sparks in my beard

Helga’s kicking buckets, crew getting weird

Nun plays trombone with a goddamn boot

Cletus starts preaching in a torn hazmat suit

Chorus - Garage Rock - "Baby Snakes"

Baby snakes choking on Helga’s fries

Cletus licking windows, cross-eyed surprise

Philly river rats throwing dice with fleas

Captain screaming, “bite my knobby knees!”

Bridge - Prog Rock - "St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast/"

Syrup rivers flowing, pancakes in the rain

Nun does a backflip right off the chain

Helga flips flapjacks with a rusty wrench

Cletus learning French from a rabid old wench

Hook - Art Punk - "Valley Girl"

Goddamn nightmare, Helga barks with glee

Cletus in a tutu, yells at a tree

We sunk the steamboat, Philly’s found us again

Just another day, pass the rotgut gin