MAID & BUTLER SERVICE (ad)

🎵 “When your home’s a wreck and your nerves are fried…

Call the help that’s big, green, and certified!” 🎵

[ANNOUNCER, cheerful, slightly unhinged]:

Hey there, radio wastelanders! Is your bunker lookin’ like a radroach hoedown?

Dishes stacked higher than a busted water tower?

Well, don’t you worry—

we’ve got the muscle… AND the hustle.

ANNOUNCER

Introducing… SUPER MUTANT MAID & BUTLER SERVICE!

That’s right! Why trust your home to some flimsy human…

when you can have a seven-foot-tall cleaning MACHINE?!

SUPER MUTANT deep, proud

I clean. I smash dirt. I make shine.

ANNOUNCER

They scrub!

They polish!

They occasionally throw your furniture across the room… but hey—clean is clean!

Crash → quick sparkle sound ✨

ANNOUNCER

And for a limited time…

try our “Topless Efficiency Package!”

That’s right—no pesky uniforms slowing ‘em down!

Just pure, unstoppable, post-apocalyptic cleaning POWER.

SUPER MUTANT

Shirt restrict movement. No shirt… more clean.

ANNOUNCER

Need your floors spotless?

Your junk organized?

Your neighbor intimidated?

We do it ALL.

ANNOUNCER

Call now and we’ll throw in our “Gentle Mode” upgrade—

where your super mutant tries not to break everything you love.

(No promises.)

SUPER MUTANT softly

I try…

ANNOUNCER fast disclaimer voice

Super Mutant Maid Service is not responsible for crushed appliances, missing walls, emotional distress, or spontaneous intimidation of nearby settlements.

Jingle returns

🎵 “Big green clean, mean but keen—

Best darn maids you’ve ever seen!” 🎵

ANNOUNCER big finish

SUPER MUTANT MAID & BUTLER SERVICE—

We don’t just clean… we DOMINATE dirt.

SUPER MUTANT proud

Book now…

Or I book you.

Radio static fade out