Up Yours

Verse

I walked into a coffee shop to get an ice-cold brew,

A fella standing right in front of me had lots to do.

He was watching loud, obnoxious videos with no headphones,

So I smiled at him politely as I muttered in a groan:

Chorus

May your battery die right out upon your phone,

May your ringtone be an irritating drone,

May your internet search history be known,

May your battery die right out upon your phone.

Verse

Well, I was driving down the highway trying to get home,

When a lady swerved into my lane, a-looking at her phone.

She was taking selfie pictures with a filter of a dog,

I slammed upon my brakes and then I hollered through the smog:

Chorus

May your navigation application crash,

May your phone fall off the mount upon your dash,

May your camera blind you with a sudden flash,

May your navigation application crash.

Fiddle Solo

Verse

I logged onto a meeting for a morning video call,

Some fella sent a message by a-clicking "Reply All."

It dinged upon my desktop thirty times before it quit,

So I stared into my webcam and I whispered in a fit:

Chorus

May you start to cuss while you are off of mute,

May your webcam show you in your birthday suit,

May your operating system give the boot,

May you start to cuss while you are off of mute!

Verse

I went to buy some groceries down at the corner store,

A "social media influencer" blocked the sliding door.

He was doing silly dances right in front of his ring light,

So I tipped my Stetson to him, and I wished with all my might:

Chorus

May your tripod tip and shatter on your shoes,

May your dancing video receive no views,

May a copyright strike give you awful blues,

May your tripod tip and shatter on your shoes!

Outro