I gave Gramma an early Christmas present a gorilla well ripped her face off

Intro

Snow’s coming down but the mood’s fucked up

Presents wrapped tight, but my patience dried up

Family screaming, dinner burned to shit

Grandpa's passed out, and the dog's gone and bit

Verse 1

Started my shopping with zero damn cares

Didn’t want sweaters or socks, no fancy wares

Laughed at the mall Santa flipping me off

So I ordered a beast to show Gramma who’s boss

Pre-Chorus

Silent night, my ass, it’s chaos in here

Spiked punch spilling and I’m chugging a beer

Gifts by the fire covering vomit stains

Ready for Christmas to drive us insane

Chorus

Guess what I did this year for Christmas cheer

I gave Gramma a gift, now she ain't here

Wrapped up in ribbons, what a sight to see

A gorilla in a box, just waiting to break free

Verse 2

Gramma was sippin' spiked eggnog, smug as hell

She ripped open that box, and the room went to hell

That hairy bastard jumped out, eyes wild and red

Ripped her dentures out, now she's better off dead

Pre-Chorus

Snow kept falling while the chaos grew

Red on the carpet, nothing I could do

Neighbors heard screaming, ran for their lives

Christmas cookies smashed, ain't nobody survived

Chorus

So Merry filthy Christmas, consider this your warning

Don't look in your presents come the Christmas morning

I ruined the holiday, went all out this time

Gave Gramma a gorilla, now that's a damn crime

Verse 3

Tree got trashed, stockings full of blood and hair

Grandpa's on the roof, just yelling in despair

Cops showed up quick, but the ape went wild

Turned Christmas Eve into a crime scene pile

Chorus

Don’t bother caroling on my fucked-up street

Santa won’t show, he just beats retreat

Police barricades and a bloody mistletoe

That's what you get with a damn gorilla show

Outro

Next year I’ll be locked up, throwing snowballs at the wall

Merry Christmas from a cell, yeah, I ruined it all

Gramma’s gone, the ape’s free—Christmas spirit’s dead

Don’t ever trust my presents, get a sweater instead

Verse 4

Pap’s got a shotgun, but slipped on the sleet

Gorilla’s in the kitchen, tearing up the meat

Kids screaming bloody murder, hiding in the shed

Blood-splattered snowmen, painted candy red

Chorus

So toast your toxic cider, forget your damn wish

Nothing left for Christmas but ape fists and fish

I ruined all the magic, brought hell to your halls

Stole your holiday, decked your bloodstained walls

Outro 2

So blame me for this massacre, sing it loud and proud

No jolly left, just chaos—cry or laugh at the sound

Fa la la fuck it, that’s all I got to say

Merry Christmas, you bastards, in a gorilla sleigh

Outro 2

So blame me for this massacre, sing it loud and proud

No jolly left, just chaos—cry or laugh at the sound

Fa la la fuck it, that’s all I got to say

Merry Christmas, you bastards, in a gorilla sleigh