88:88

Intro

Okay, first of all, I wasn't even there when it happened. I mean, I was there. But I wasn't there. Because technically I was at my cousin Crystal's apartment, except Crystal doesn't live there anymore because her landlord found the ferret situation, which has NOTHING to do with this.

Verse 1

So anyway, it's like 3:17 in the morning, maybe noon, I don't know, because the microwave said 88:88, and I'm like,

"That's not a time."

That's when I knew something was weird.

Pre-Chorus

So, I'm outside looking for my left shoe because Derek said he saw a cop drive by... twice.

Not the SAME cop.

Well, probably the same cop.

Same mustache.

Different car.

And I'm like, "They're onto us."

And Derek goes, "Who's us?"

EXACTLY.

Chorus

So now I'm suspicious of Derek.

Then this lady comes walking up asking if I have any meth.....

I said,

"MA'AM....."

"I don't do meth."....

Because I don't.

Post-Chorus

I had some earlier,

but that's completely different because that was BEFORE she asked me....

That's called chronological order.

Learn it.

Verse 2

Anyway, now there are three cops outside.

Or one cop three times.

I don't know.

They kept moving.

And one of them goes,

"Ma'am, why are you carrying a toaster?"

I said, "Because it's mine."

He goes, "I didn't ask whose it was."

Bridge

Okay.

So now he's playing mind games.

And I don't appreciate that.

Meanwhile,

Derek is behind the dumpster whispering, "Act natural."

Chorus

So, now I'm suspicious of Derek.

Then, this lady comes walking up

asking if I have any meth...

I said,

"MA'AM..."

"I don't do meth."...

Because I don't.

Post-Chorus

I mean...

I had some earlier,

but that's completely different because that was BEFORE she asked me....

That's called chronological order...

Learn it.

Verse 3

So, I start feeding a parking meter.

THERE WASN'T EVEN A PARKING METER.

That's how natural I was acting.

Then somebody yelled, "THE DRUGS!"

Hook

And everybody looked at me.

Why?! I didn't yell it!

Apparently it was me.

But I was warning everybody.

That's completely different.

Verse 4

Then the cop asked where the drugs came from. I'm like, "What drugs?" He points at the bag in my hand. I said, "This bag?" He said yes.

I said, "I've never seen this bag in my life."

He goes, "You're holding it."

Okay, detective.

Congratulations.

Solo

Then Crystal comes outside screaming that somebody stole her toaster.

And I'm like,

"Girl, you need to focus because there are COPS here."

Outro

So anyway, long story short, I don't know where Derek is, Crystal won't answer my calls, apparently the ferret belongs to the landlord, and I still haven't found my shoe.

Outro

But I did get the toaster back. Well... Crystal did. Whatever.

The point is, I don't do drugs anymore.

Not after everything that happened tomorrow.