NEW GAME: IKEA QUEST — The Flatpack Chronicles

Intro

Spoken

"In a world where heroes are forged

not in fire...

but in the fluorescent light of aisle seven...

One warrior dares to ask the question

that will define a generation:

...where is part F?"

Verse

I spawned at the entrance, no fast travel here

My inventory's full but the exit's unclear

The mini-map lied, I've completed this floor

Level seven: Sofas. I've been here before

The NPCs vanish whenever I'm near

My health bar is dropping, the meatballs aren't free

I found a side quest in the showroom maze

I cannot escape and I'm losing my HP

Chorus

IKEA QUEST

Where no man has respawned

IKEA QUEST

The final boss is a wardrobe

Assemble your destiny

Or rage quit, probably

IKEA QUEST

The Flatpack Chronicles

Spoken

"You have collected:

One bag of screws.

Six Allen keys.

Three mystery dowels.

Zero instructions that make any sense.

Inventory full.

This... is your quest."

Break

Spoken

"They said the final boss was just a bookcase.

They were wrong.

BJÖRKSNÄS has never been defeated.

Not once. Not ever.

Four stars on the wiki.

Zero survivors in the reviews.

Rated E for Everyone

who has ever respawned

in a parking lot

surrounded by flat boxes."

Chorus

IKEA QUEST

Where no man has respawned

IKEA QUEST

The final boss is a wardrobe

Assemble your destiny

Or rage quit, probably

IKEA QUEST

The Flatpack Chronicles

Outro

Spoken

"IKEA QUEST: The Flatpack Chronicles.

Available everywhere.

Assembly required.

Part F sold separately.

Save point not included."

Spoken

"This game was created by DiscoPrincess — Royalty of the Night"