No Jingle No Fa-La-La

Intro

Here’s a shitstorm of tinsel, I can’t even pretend

While assholes are gleaming, I’m fucked up again

Carnival of cursing, new swears every block

The only thing wrapping is the piss in my sock

Verse 1

Mistletoe’s dangling over some rich ass clown

I’m scrounging for quarters and yelling downtown

Chuck your goodwill in the gutter with the rest of my pride

If Christmas is magic, someone flat fucking lied

Pre-Chorus

Bells ring for bastards, nothing’s ringing for me

Got jackshit for presents, or a damn Christmas tree

Chorus

No Christmas for me this goddamn year

No motherfucking stockings, no holiday cheer

Can’t even curse at a tree, cause I ain’t got one near

Just this frozen sidewalk and one more beer

Post-Chorus

No jingle, no fa-la-la

No jingle, no fa-la-la

Verse 2

My toes are numb, my ass is sore

Barely any shelter, not even a fucking door

Neighbors got turkeys, I got fuck-all

Muttering fresh curses, that’s my decked hall

Pre-Chorus

Santa, you bastard, you skipped my street

Only thing dropping is snow and defeat

Chorus

No Christmas for me this goddamn year

No motherfucking stockings, no holiday cheer

Can’t even curse at a tree, cause I ain’t got one near

Just this frozen sidewalk and one more beer

Post-Chorus

No jingle, no fa-la-la

No jingle, no fa-la-la

Bridge

Watch those assholes stroll by with their shiny gifts

Meanwhile my shit’s just frozen, and hope don’t exist

If I had a dime, I’d buy some new-made curse

But the only thing jingling is my last nerve, rehearsed

Verse 3

Deck the halls with mothercrapping frost

Dreaming of gravy, knowing I lost

They got mittens and smug, I got snot in my beard

Caroling fuck-all and nobody cheered

Chorus

No Christmas for me this goddamn year

No motherfucking stockings, no holiday cheer

Can’t even curse at a tree, cause I ain’t got one near

Just this frozen sidewalk and one more

Outro

So shove your tidings, your twinkling junk

I’m inventing new swears from down in my funk

No joyous bullshit and no goddamn gold star

Just a cold-as-hell bench and my broke-ass guitar

Post-Chorus

No jingle, no fa-la-la

No jingle, no fa-la-la

Tag

Merry Christmas my ass, and a piss-off New Year

Coda

Shitmas bells on some rich dick's ride

While I'm hocking new curses the snow can't hide

If bitterness was cash, I'd be king of the street

But I'm broke, cold, and cussing at every repeat

Tag - Reprise

Stick your carols up your jingle-pipe, cheers

It's a frozen fuck-holiday, same as last year

Outro Extension

Got a blizzard of damn words, a sleet of fresh fucks

While the world’s roasting chestnuts, I’m roasting my luck

Yuletide my hairy ass, shove that wreath up a pole

If Santa shows up, I’ll cuss his jolly damn soul

Post-Chorus

No jingle, no fa-la-la

No jingle, no fa-la-la

Final Verse

Merry nothing, you dingleberry elves

Take your crackerjack smiles and stuff ‘em yourselves

My present this year? A spectacular shitstorm

Invented a new curse: ‘gloryhole-warm’

Extended Coda

Frostbitten fingers, bitch-slapped by the cold

If misery paid rent, I’d be fucking bold

Candy canes bent like my mood, no cheer parade

Just inventing new slurs as the goodwill decays

Tag - Final Drag

Holy hell, look at all those pricks with their peace

While I’m unwrapping jack squat in this dirty fleece

Got no angel on high, just an icicle screw

A blizzard of fresh shit just for me and for you

Post-Chorus

No jingle, no fa-la-la

No jingle, no fa-la-la

Final Line

So piss on your eggnog, and a crusty ho-ho to all