winter name

your name was noelle

and your mother's name was alba

dawn before winter

light before the snow

i don't think you meant to hurt us

i don't think you wanted us to go

but some things become cold

even when nobody asks them to

there was snow on the windows

snow underneath the door

i used to think it was beautiful

i don't think that anymore

because snow can only melt

when somebody gives it warmth

and you had your hands beside us

but they never kept us warm

your name was noelle

and i still say it softly

like saying it too loudly

would make you disappear

i know you loved us

in the way that you knew how

but knowing how to love somebody

is not the same as loving them

sometimes i wonder

if alba knew the winter was coming

sometimes i wonder

if you knew it too

we were children in the snow

waiting for the sun

waiting for somebody

to tell us that the cold was over

and i don't hate you

i don't think i ever could

i just wish you had been warmer

when we needed you to be