Lyrics
(Verse)
I’m a walking pepperoni, extra cheese on the side
Doctor said
“You’re a cardiac landslide!”
But the box is my bible, delivery’s my priest,
I told him
“Doc, save your breath – I’m already deceased!” (Chorus)
One more slice, one more slice, I’m gonna die tonight.
Heart’s doing the cha-cha, arteries packed tight!
I can’t stop, won’t stop, my pizza's pre-ordered.
“Here lies Big Tony – he died for the border!” (Verse)
My love handles got love handles, they’re throwing their own parade.
I use my belly as a table – best decision I ever made!
Wife said “Honey, you’re killing yourself,” I said “Baby, that’s the plan.
At least I’ll go out crispy, golden brown in a pan!”
(Bridge-spoken over a sad trombone)
My cholesterol’s got its own zip code…
I’m not overweight, I’m under-tall for my pizza intake…
They’re naming a new circle of hell after me – “The Crust Zone”…
If I die mid-bite, just bury me with ranch on the side! (Verse)
Paramedics showed up, said
“Sir, you’re a medical mystery,”
I burped up marinara and whispered
“Extra large history!”
They tried the paddles, I said
“Clear… but make it deep dish,”
Last words on my lips:
“Tell my ex… I still love her… and this!”
(Chorus-louder, dying dramatically)
One more slice, one more slice, wheel me straight to the morgue,
I regret nothing – except maybe the fourth!
Tell my tombstone to read: “He lived like a king…
…on a throne made of cardboard and mozzarella strings!”
(Outro-fading with chewing sounds) (SPOKEN)
did you bring me that by a cammel???
i'v been staving all day man!
no tip for you buddy,
you forgot my mushrooms!!
By the way?!
could you, go back to the store and...
get me 3 more deep dish???!